A Co-worker

So I got to thinking: why don't my pictures and entries have anything to do with each other? But, forget it, I like it better when they are separate entities. And don't go trying to find connections, because they don't exist. Okay, Mulder?

Well, Easter is just around the corner, so I figured I'd do what any self-respecting Easter-lover would do: I'm going East. How far? Charlotte, NC to be exact. Why? When's the last time you had your short-term memory checked. For Easter, damnit! I love chocolate, I love holidays, I love pastels, I love argyle, and I love Bartle and James. Please note that the B & J seal on the CIQ (cooler in question) has been cracked, so I couldn't take this into certain events. So I'm currently consuming it. In college, my friend S.S. used to recreationally smoke Mary Jane, and then he'd go steal wine coolers from this really great surfer from Kauai (who for some unknown reason didn't like beer), and he'd call wine coolers, "Golden Water." I don't really want to be exclusionary here, but only a stoner would call a wine cooler "Golden Water."

Sometimes it's not always clear

"Well, which is it? Is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us?"
-- J. Spicoli

I talked to Liquid today, that champion of balance and harmony, my mentor in living a better life, the one who brought me from the dark side and allowed me a glimpse. He also was the first person who actually got me to start drinking tea regularly. So I talked to him today, and he told me he was back drinking cofffee. I don't think it's permanent with him, but I'm the uninitiated, so my discipline is low, and I found myself grabbing my car keys and heading over to the Coffee Bean for some caffeine (without even hanging up the phone). Another lesson from the Cosmic joker....

What's next? Only the wind knows, but he is blogging...

We all know the pictures don't go with the entries, right?

Just thought I'd mention that in case you's were scrathin' your noggins wondering what in the wide world of sports was going on.

Found this guy's blog today, and though it's primarily an investment blog, he puts a bunch of good links into it.

JV asked the other day whether or not the United Nation of Weasemachine thought that GW would go down in history as a worse president that Nixon. And Bush seems to be consistently lowering his approval rating. But if he gets out of office with the economy doing okay, I think he gets remembered as a buffoon, but a decent president. Only time will tell....
"...Bush has never been more unpopular than he is today. And yet the S&P 500 today pierced a level it hadn't seen since May 2001, while the Nasdaq sits at a five-year high."

Anyone know who Jane King is? How about the hemline theory?

"Guns, guns, guns...."

My father-in-law has been touting silver for two years now, and I think he's done better than average with it.

Can I get an "Oh, dude?" This guy's going to be paying this off for the near and distant future. Obviously a mistake (I think), but Yahaya is pumped and ready to do battle with the Evil Big Corporation.
"If the company wants to seek legal action as mentioned in the letter, I'm ready to face it," the paper quoted Yahaya as saying. "In fact, I can't wait to face it."

Ball Boy

Do you know this wease? I do. I was a teenager, shagging balls for C-level celebs at a charity tennis tournament in Calabasas, CA. Can't really recall, but it may have even been the Steve Garvey Classic, or something like that. Anyhow, cut to the evening, when all the tennis was done, and the participants had retreated under an enormous tent for dinner and whatever else they did where I was not allowed to see. Liquid and I decided it would be cool to steal a banner, one of those big, plastic corporate sponsor messaging devices, and take it to someone's private court and put it up on their fence.

So here we're taking it down under the cover of night when we hear "Hey, what are you kids doing?" And I look over to see this bulging figure emerging from the shadows, and coming at us quickly and with purpose. Yep, it was Garvey. As a Dodger fan, he'd been a childhood hero of mine, and now he was approaching me to find out why we were trying to steal a banner from his Tennis Tournament. Probably not going to get an autograph now, but somehow we escaped, explaining that we were just trying to help take down the banners. He let us go, but later we overheard a voice on a walkie-talkie sending out an all points bulletin, to be on the lookout for two kids trying to steal banners. Garvey! Fucker.

So today there's a story in the LA Times about him, and you can read it here.

Tuesday's gone

Now the wife is sick, so it was back to the TV, plus we're still trying to work our way through 4 rentals.

1. Wayne's World - you don't have to think it's funny, but it can't be denied. [this was not a rental by the way]
   
2. Broken Flowers - i'm a huge fan of Bill Murray, but he was a little pale in this one. the max i can handle for a subtle, quiet character was his role in Rushmore.
3. Elizabeth - not to be confused with Elizabethtown. i really liked this dramatic portrayal of the rise to power of a young girl amidst the lunancy that was, and still is (or can be) religion. [not a rental either, it was on IFC]
   

Reading this book called Blink right now. Not really sure what I think of it. I'm 1/3 through and I feel like asking if we're past the opening remarks. It is fascinating to read about all these psychologists, running around thinking up and performing all these wacky psychological tests and whatnot. Try this one if you're bored.

Luckily this doesn't happen often

I felt okay this morning when I awoke, but just 'okay' meaning I couldn't tell. After drinking 4 cups of my Fry's Electronics coffee, brewed 'extra strength' this morning, I thought I was feeling fine. I read what I considered interesting out of the LA Times (this morning that took about 25 minutes), had some re-heated oatmeal pancakes, and then headed out to run some errands. And then the caffeine started to wear off.....

First stop: Big 5 Sporting Goods, for yet another sunglass purchase. What is it with me and sunglasses? Then it was over to Samy's Camera for some photo paper, Office Depot for some copy paper, and hopefully to Kmart for some boxers and work socks. All the makings for a kick-ass Sunday. Seriously, almost sounds like a really cool indie film, eh? But, during my first errand, I started to not feel so good. So I hustled through it all, cancelled Kmart, and came back home to hit the couch, watch a little (note: little) TV, and most likely catch a nap.

So I started with an LPGA Tourney on CBS and the men's BellSouth Classic on NBC. The LPGA event featured Michelle Wie, Natalie Gulbis, and Lorena Ochoa fighting for the win going down the stretch, so all the coverage was on these three, and so, it was actually watchable. Somewhere in there I snook (sp?) in a nice, long nap. Even still, upon waking I just didn't feel right. So I threw in a movie, popped down an industrial non-OTC ibuprofen, and at the request of my wife, split a bottle of Bonny Doon's 'Big House Red.'

We watched "Two For The Money," "The Constant Gardener," and now it's time to watch the Sopranos. What a day.....and by the way, I'm magically feeling back to normal. All thanks to our good friends in Big Pharma and the beautiful vineyards of Northern California.

Daylight Saving

I just looked at the clock on my computer, and it read 10:11 AM!! Can I be any more out of touch? I didn't even realize today was daylight saving's. Well, okay, it's here. I read a little about it this morning while trying to figure out what was happening to me.

Personally, I like it when more of the day is filled with light. I wake up based on the appearance of light, and not so much on what time it is. So I like it when it gets light early. On the other end of the day, I tend to find myself going to bed based on a certain period of darkness following sunset. I haven't really scoped this theory out, but it seems that 4 hours of darkness signals my bed time. So if it gets dark at 5 pm., then around 9 I'll be trying to sneak into my sleeping chamber. But when it starts to get darker, later, well then, now I'm staying up past 11 pm...sometimes.

Bonus question: Why is my version of Photoshop registerd to Nat Kyborcas?

I can't hang

It's Saturday night and my wife is out with some friends seeing a band play, and I'm sitting at home because I'm too tired. Whatever.


"It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature."

--Steven Wright

Entry so good that no title is necessary

I saw "Thank You for Smoking" this past weekend. To me it wasn't so much a good look at the world of lobbying, but rather a satirical peek at bullshit in general. The movie definitely poked fun at the tobacco industry, but also takes subplot shots at alcohol, firearms, politics, Hollywood, education, journalism, and really any and everything. I think....not sure at all here as I haven't read anthing regarding the intended message, but I think it's sort of a "hey, chill out" peice. Certainly, it points out the dangers of dangerous activities, but also takes time to make some fun of the teetotalling other side. What really can we do that is not destructive?
--"All that lives is born to die."
Free coffee and cruellers on me to the first person who can email me where that quote came from.

Speaking of free, I still owe JV 25 push-ups from a weak-ass bet I made regarding Gwen Stefani's age.

Other movies I want to see right now (in no particular order):

1. Inside Man
2. V for Vendetta
3. Meeting People is Easy
   
4. No Way Home
   

Get the Troops out NOW!!!

I hope this is an idle threat

Liquid Email

Received this email from liquid today:

"You say you are drinking tea everyday – is this in addition to your normal dose of coffee?"

What the chingas is he talking about? Of course that's in addition to my normal dose of coffee. And for you spanish speaker/readers out there, sorry for the profanity. Ordinarily I try to keep this blog PG at it's worst, but when something really chaps my hide, I just gotta express myself.

Wouldn't Liquid Email be a cool name for an internet company? With a name like that we wouldn't even have to worry about a product or silly stuff like revenue, we could just ride on the crest of a beautiful stock frenzy wave. Too bad it's not 1996 anymore.....

....Not that there's anything wrong with it!

Okay, done deal, I'm not fucking with the ACLU. I found this little story about a religious group against homosexuals on Jon Armstrong's blog. Read A Response to Liberty and especially the ACLU 'stop being so mean' letter to the Exodus group. Lawyers are funny.

I actually met a homosexual once, and you know what? I didn't even realize it till later. At their worst, I find gay people to be......well, a bit different than me. At their best, I find them to be considerate and caring (except for non-lipstick lesbians; they're really mean). Since this is my blog, I can be as ridiculous as I want. They just tend to be a bit more human to me than the rest. Now of course if we start giving them equal protection under the law, over the next couple of decades they'll become just as bad as the rest of us.

And my fine for running a red light, with no human person within sight, anywhere, was $350. I'm sorry.....if you have children, please cover their eyes............Fuck California.

Rummy speaks the truth, again. What in God's name is going on over there? I don't even follow the media, outside of 30 mins. of NPR in the morning. But everytime I hear anything, more people have died, and things have gotten worse. All in the name of profit and religion. As I'm sure my old roomie Timmy M. might say, "now there' s a huge surprise."

And on the other hand, I also hear (via the NPR) that it's coming out that Saddam never thought we'd invade. Apparently he saw the US as a 'paper tiger.' Not taking a stance here, but what the motherF was he thinking? He is equally responsible for this mess. Fucking megalomaniacs, why are they always in charge?

Sunday, no bloodshed, Sunday

Maybe you think I'm weak, but I'm glad that I didn't witness any bloodshed today.

On the other hand, I did get more memory for my computer, walk around in some really, really comfortable-ass shoes, visit The Grove on a weekend (and thus see the ridiculae that is LA in full swing) to see "Thank You For Not Smoking," visit my favorite pub in Pasadena, take some less than ordinary photos, and obtain a brand new (to me) set of Pings-- huge thanks to Jeffrey L. Oster--and I can't wait to try those out. My poor old Sportsmart set of MacGregors have finally reached their retirement home. Now whether they rest there or continue on to the graveyard is up to someone else.

Polyphasic sleep is probably akin to the Ben Franklin method. I'm a pretty big fan of naps, I don't need to tell you that. My problem with naps is that they can be so good, so utterly good that I have a hard time coming back to reality from them.

Well, Chef certainly wasn't the coolest character on South Park, but I did like him. Too bad that the voice behind the character was in acutality a human, and thus fallible to human emotion. I love it when humans make decisions based on a emotional reaction and try to gerrymander their logic. So long Chef...........you were good, but, again, not that good.

Saturday Morning

Sadly, below is the first email in my inbox this morning:

Hows it hanging?
Sad and shrivled or ready to bang?
Even college guys can't get it up *every* time without some help.

Please make it stop. I won't get into whether or not I need [but this kid doesn't] to purchase fake erection-makers over the internet, but I'd really just like to stop receiving emails from these people, and the stock alerts, mortgage lender deals with multiple typos in their ads, etc. Junk email just sucks, can we all agree?

Despite this, I am enjoying some nice whole bean coffee from Fry's Electronics. Picked it up while (unknowingly) purchasing the wrong speed of memory for my computer. When I returned the memory for the correct speeed, they were out of what I needed. So for 2 trips to Burbank, from Los Angeles, I received a $4.99, 1 lb. bag of fresh roasted coffee. They call me a terrific bargain hunter, and they are right.

I don't know if it's the changing of the times, or something else, but the first couple of times I went to Fry's Electronics, I was able to find serious nerd help. These kids knew what they were talking about. Now on 4 or 5 trips to Fry's in Burbank, I have only once been helped by someone who had more knowledge than me. I'm not saying that the store isn't full of knowledgeable employees, not saying that all. It has just been my experience there, on only a few trips, to have my questions answered by some kid who looks to have only last week been a gangbanger. Or maybe that's just the look these days.

What happened?

Chamonix, dude.

Scott Adams.........rocking. Of course, I don't think that way. I'm sensitive. I believe that women are actually defective men. Men whose programming somehow got fucked up. Men that just don't quite get it: Food, fun, sex, sleep. Other than that it's all bullshiite.

But they are nice and soft, and good smelling. When I was a baby, from the information I can gather, I believe that I was good smelling too. Now I usually smell like coffee, musty clothing, or a fart. Although I prefer the smell of coffee, a fart is infinitely more fun. I've doused customers before with 'stealth bombs,' or at least I thought they were stealth; I guess it's not so obscure why I don't make business plan.

I've also accidentally 'had a problem' in my pants before. First time was kind of funny really. I was at a party in Wisconsin, I was more than buzzed, I went outside to pee as the bathrooms were all jam-packed, I let go with all my might, and when I felt the common piss-buddy fart coming, I let 'er rip............whoops......not a fart. Just took a dump in my pants. Great.

Just for today, be unafraid.

And that means you, Tovar, you slutty little bitch. Don't be afraid.

Fear is a funny thing. If I recall correctly, I experienced fear several times today.

1. When I first realized I was awake this morning, I feared that I was not a 17th century aristocrat, and that I might actually have to go to work today.
2. Upon walking into work, I feared that my workplace might in all actuality be a mental institution, and I just might be the psychiatrist who went crazy himself.
3. I feared today that I might not ever be allowed to see the baby I fathered with Britney Spears.
4. I was in Century City today, and feared that tall buildings, or objects from atop the tall buildings might fall down upon me. I know, I'm egocentric to the max.
5. I feared I might have to kick some ass today. Physically. What chew looking at?
6. I feared I might live my entire life, and then die.
7. I feared I might die and not do some things that are entirely within reach today.
8. If you're reading this, you're probably someone who owes me money, so please accept that I am afraid that you will not pay me. Prompt payments make me happy.
9. Most of all, I'm afraid that it will all end someday....
   

Might be time to read Brave New World again

ha ha, very funny motherf.....actually the funny thing is that this already exists to some extent. With computer storage and bandwidth ever cheapening, access to this type of data has become cheap as well. And it seems to be used in factoring future profitability. For example, credit card companies can already raise your interest level to the max if you miss a payment on a completely different card, but it's reported to the credit burueas. Not saying that all do, but that they can, and apparently some do.

Look at San Diego go! In a decade or so they might overtake Manhattan. But seriously folks, what in the wide world of sports is going on here. Manhattan, Chicago, Los Angeles, Boston, and a few other metros have the jobs, but this article points out that these are combined income households, middle management careers, and....no kids. Some people might be happy with that, and I'm not interested in a making a value judgement here, but rather have this feeling that most people don't want that type of life. What changed over the preceeding 40 years that to live comfortably both people must work?

Gas, Growth, and Damn, G!

From my sister, a site comparing local gas prices...

Global warming is always in the news, but probably not enough. Still, I'm curious why there isn't more talk about population growth?

I think I'm in need of a vacation. Not just a week off to relax at home, or take a trip, but rather a 3 month sabbatical. Off the top of my head, I could use three months at a beach house. Wake up everyday and make some coffee, check out the beach, walk around, sleep, make food, read, listen to music. Just chill the f* out. Know what I mean?

In college I lived in the garage of this house for $190/month:



Now I pay $1650 to live in an aparment in the middle of Concrete Jungle. Again, what the hail happened? Now I've traded the luxury of surfing for traffic. Last Sunday was host to the Los Angeles marathon, so this is obviously an extreme example. But.......it took me 50 minutes to get to my house from the exit off the 10 freeway at La Cienega Blvd. 50 minutes. It's 2 miles.

Sure my room flooded everytime it rained at the beach house. Sure we had no central heat, so in winter it was warmer outside than in my room. Sure I had to live with Lamby. All this, and more, I can accept. Now I've got heat and the water can't soak my bed, but I just might trade it in an instant if only the Allens would let me.

The Baby Who Would Be King

On a Monday, I'm tired like it's Friday. What the hail happened? I feel like I could use a little R&R; that's Rest and Relaxation. Rest, more in terms of mental rest. Rest from the constant b.s. that is my daily worklife. Relaxation in terms of resting from the constant b.s.

Tonight I was dog-tired when I pulled into my spot at home and it was starting to drizzle. Not sure why, but this just seemed like an ideal time to get into the apartment, disrobe, and just chill. That's when I realized I had 3 movies from Blockbuster that were sitting in my backseat, and to further cement the nagging thought that I needed to put the Civic in reverse: I remembered that we had no water in the house. This is a no-no in Los Angeles. I would rather lick the sweat off a dead possum's balls than drink tap water in LA.

So I did what I do in this situation - Rexall. Found my water......$2.99 for 2.5 gallons! Well, like Tim wisely once noted, 'everyday can't be roses.' Bought my water, and some shampoo, and of course a candy bar b/c the usual Rexall check-out person tomfoolery was in full swing. Really, they should stick desert property vouchers and trips to the moon at the check-out counter. Their most-likely unintended strategy of stranding would-be customers there for mini-eons just might start bringing in some serious cash. It's just a thought....

Big time hug needed indeed

I found this while strolling through kottke.org....harcore? or hard-on?

Top o' the mornin' to ya!

Welcome back. Last night we celebrated St. Patty's day by putting some green on, eating all things green, drinking Guinness and Murphy's all night, smearing mustard on corned beef and cabbage, and unfortunately not talking enough in an Irish accent. As for the Irish accent, I suspect that the accent is horrible, and in all reality not at all Irish sounding. Sort of like how everyone has the same pirate voice, and I really doubt any real pirates ever sounded like that.

The Varsano's came over with a pot of gold (corned beef, cabbage, onions, carrots, yummy) and a rambunctious 2 year old. I learned that he's not a "baby," but rather a "toddler." This distinction is very important to a man. My whole world is unfolding like a bloomin' onion from Outback Steakhouse now that I have this new info. At any rate, I realized a 2 year old isn't a baby, really. But does he toddle? I'm not sure what that is. Is he a little kid? No, not yet. I still can't tell him creepy things like "if you hold in your farts, you'll get cancer," and watch him slowly back away from me. He just stares back at me like I'm the one who speaks an unintelligible language. At any rate, little V got to jump on the couch, watch Madagascar, take a bath (take a bath?), eat a potato and eat some butter (but eat them separately), play with some cars, smear baby boogers all over my Ipod, kill a plant, and all in all bring many laughs to the party. He did this with a cool efficiency and when he was ready to leave, we were all made aware of that fact. I've never seen a 2 year old gather up his parent's belongings and start pulling all the gear toward the door. Amazing. This kid is going places.

The Mins brought a 12 pack of Guinness. I love you James and Susan. In fact, I love you so much, I might go drink the last one right now.....

Once again....not too sure.

Well, well, well....were are we now?

Progress
Denial
Laughter
Globalization
Regression
Bullshit
Love
Apathy.....

Anyhow you slice it, the fact still remains that 60% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Actually I stole that from an unknown genius (Tyler M.). It's a funny thing to say, especially if dry humor works really well with you and you enjoy watching the expression on other people's faces. And of course you have to be able to endure them thinking you're an idiot. It runs along the same lines as when {in Amadeus} Mozart tells Signore that his music was good b/c it even included signs telling people when to clap.

I knew it almost 20 years ago, and others have to have known it even longer. People today will deny it, and some who knew it then will snicker or deny....but Pink Floyd had it .....going ON!!

One exclamation point represents a...."hey, look over here." Three exclamation points is like, "hey, we're super extra excited" and you need to convince them. But two (2) exclamation points is reserved for the special, true, and 'I'm not fucking around' goodness. And if you don't believe me, just ask the Reggae man I met in my living room when I was 19. He'll tell you.

By the way, what the hell was he doing in my living room!? (one exclamation point only here)

My Morning Commute

I'm a creature of habit. I wake up everyday, take a shower, get dressed, put some coffee in a travel mug and leave for work. In the bathroom, I put shampoo in my hair, wash my body, rinse the shampoo out of my hair, and then wash my face. In front the on the mirror, I put in my contacts, comb my hair, shave, put on deodorant, brush my teeth, and apply a little gel to my hair. The order is always the same.

In my closet, I try to keep all my clothing going the same way on the hangers. And I rotate my six suits evenly. Every morning I select a suit, then a shirt, then a tie, and then the belt/shoe combo. Then I leave for work, bag and coffee in hand.

Every morning I stress a little about red lights, idiot drivers, and other little trivial annoyances. My commute is never any longer or any shorter as a result of these things happening or not happening. Some mornings I might drive a tad faster, make every light, and I think this will make a difference. It might shave 5 minutes off my 35 minute drive.

I do hate stop and go driving, but accepting that, I for some unknown reason enjoy driving to work with my coffee and listening to the radio. My presets (which is what I listen to 99.7% of the time in the morning) go like this:

1. 93.1 Jack FM - somewhat new station, no DJ's which can be nice, idiotic station identification, seemlingly random selection of pop music from 80's on up.
2. 95.5 KLOS - I can't really listen to Mark and Bryan, not sure why, just can't...
3. 106.7 KROQ - Kevin and Bean are not funny. They seem to cow-tow to a group of teenagers.
4. 103.1 Indie - Radio stays here mostly. Dickey is pretty good, I like Chuck, and they play more, and definitely better music.
5. 101 K-Earth - If you don't like oldies, then you just plain don't get it. Sorry.
6. 89.9 NPR - Gotta have it for the least lopsided news. Nic Harcourt at 9 am is the best around for picking good music to play.

So that's pretty much it. I am a robot who likes coffee and driving through street traffic-infested Los Angeles in a suit and tie to job that pays me slightly better than a good waiter. Best part, I'm okay with that.

I just might have to agree...

What is the deal with Actors, Directors, Photographers, Politicians, and I guess really most people who are either at the top of their circle or have merely just marketed themselves to appear so? Why do they really believe they're so good? For me, it's tough to claim anything ever since I read a really good book (i.e. Great Expectations) , or heard some clearly above-the-norm music, or even just met some very brilliant people who do not take themselves so seriously. [found on Slate.com]

Just like in cartoons

I love this, even if it's not on the up-and-up....I just love the idea that some team of nerds put time into figuring out how to make this work.

Step right up and win some...

Today I won a travel mug during a work presentation by answering a question. It's actually a pretty decent mug, else I would have just stayed quiet.

Opening the mug to wash it out so I could use it tomorrow, I found the following care instructions.

• Please wash all parts in warm soapy water before using [sensible enough advice]
• Do not exceed the product capacity with liquids [i think it's actually impossible by virtue of definition to exceed capacity]
• Always be certain the lid is secured before drinking [this suggestion is just about as warm as apple pie]
• Hot drinks may scald the user [okay, thank you, but i'm not as dumb as i look]
• Keep out of children's reach when filled with hot liquid to avoid scalding [i said....]
• Do not put container in microwave [right. metal in microwave = bad]
• Hand wash only [this is a actually good b/c if i had a dishwashwer, i would try to put it in it]
• Dishwasher may damage product or lid seal [not if i follow your previous rule it won't]
• CAUTION - hot liquid will increase temperature of exterior wall [well, now you've cracked the case.........]

All in all, I'm still happy about my prize. I guess Life isn't so hard after all.

One difference between Men and Women

{It's not camera shake, it's Margarita vision}

If, hypothetically, a window is covered by something, say like, blinds and said blinds are doing a great job of providing not only the required privcacy, but also the designed amount of light-entry control, Men are good with this situation. Women on the other hand.....

But that isn't even the difference I set out to convey. It's better than that. Let's say you put something up and don't like it and take it down and then have nothing to put back up? What then? For Men, a sheet is a perfectly good, temporary window covering. For Women? Unacceptable. Why? I'm not sure.....

My Baloney has a first name, it's OSCAR

Quick post-Oscar notes:

1. Did George Clooney try to retaliate for a Jon Stewart joke on how much money everyone in attendance makes by saying that they bring the issues to the forefront? I believe he did. Something like...."we talked about AIDS when it was a whisper, and Civil Rights when no one wanted to talk about it." That really shouldn't be in quotes b/c I'm sure it's misquoted, but correct me if I'm wrong, but the Civil Rights movement seemd to be some 40 years ago. Anyhow, I still like George, but I was disappointed to see that he's just one of the gang and can't get over himself.

2. In Memoriam made no reference to Don Knotts passing. Excuse me for one brief second while I compose myself...................WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! Don Knotts. Say what you want, he's been in films and television longer than most people have been alive.

3. What happened to Brokeback Mountain? Although Best Director has to be one of the bigger awards of the evening, and they were nominated for seemingly every category, they didn't win nothin'. And......the gay jokes were a little tiring. You could see them coming a mile away and then they just weren't that good.

4. Reese Witherspoon had the best acceptance speech. Second runner up was the director from "Tsotsi." I loved that guy's accent.

Needs v. Wants

Some wants:

1. more computer memory
   
2. laptop
3. wireless network for the house
4. how about a house to go with the wireless network?
5. a backpack
6. some new sunglasses
7. more ambition
8. less gut
9. better clothing for work and casual
10. more money, less time spent working

Some needs:

1. food (have)
2. shelter (have)
3. love(have)
4. good times with friends and family(have)
5. penis that knows what it's doing(working on that)
6. dog(can't have one here, so that will come with the house)
7. kids(if the wife says we have to, then i guess so).....kidding.
   

South Park

My first episode of South Park was over 5 years ago. I don't watch too often anymore, but recently I've caught a few gems, and this was in one of them.

This is also why I support Sharkle over those other, but just not-as-good video sharing communities. Afterall, Sharkle brought me Extreme Gene. What did YouTube do? Nothing, really.

Shop Till You Drop

Yeah, what (s)he said......
How do you like the Political Correctness?

From the same site, pretty funny but what I really love is the music. Sorry JB, I found this on that weaker site...

I got 10/10

I know. You don't believe me. You remember me from 8th grade Math. But guess what? I don't care. Sure I guessed on one or two. Fact still stands shining alone and valiant: I got 10 out of 10.

http://www.blogthings.com/couldyoupasseighthgrademathquiz/

What Bubble?

Not that all bubbles necessarily burst, but come on now. My short story on this is that we're entering a new era of some smart rich folks slowly draining away everyone's cash. If person A never actually ends up buying his home, or forever leases a car that is too expensive for him/her to buy, what happens I think is that he/she never actually accumulates any money. Not that wealth accumulation is the goal, but enjoying life and saving along the way allows for the 'golden years' to be a little more enjoyable. I just hope we all get that chance.

Welcome to Eternity

I just listened to a blurb on NPR in which this guy thinks it's not out of the question that scientists are able to not only drastically slow the aging process, but......possibly even halt it?? That's kind of spooky. What happens when no one is dying, and yet everyone is still screwing (or at least procreating)? Or how about when our Sun starts to die, and cool, and shrink, to then only expand and overtake Earth's orbit? What then, Mr. Smarty?

Pre-retirement Planning

I finally shined my shoes last night, so I feel pretty good about that. A little disappointed that no one said anything nice to me today regarding my freshly-shined shoes, but other than that, feelin' purty good.

It's Wednesday, so I'm more than 50% done with my week, but how close am I to retiring? And when I reach retirement, there's actually no way I'm going to just wake up everyday and grandpa around for the rest of my days. Unless of course I'm so stinkin' rich that I can smoke Cubans while playing $300 rounds of golf with my friends, and stuff like that. In all liklihood, I'll work in retirement to keep the boredom at bay. How come I can't do that now? Why do I do what I do? Hmmm.......

Peppy Teens...

Comments Welcome

Trying to figure out a new scheme for my blog. At first I liked the clean crisp white look, on other blogs at least, but now I think I liked the low-level contrast of that light blue and grey of my last template. Again, comments welcome.

Grey v. Gray? Which spelling do you prefer? I feel like "grey" is more authoritative, and as a physically weak person I naturally feel compelled to use this spelling. But then I feel like "gray" is more artistic, and as an uncreative and always uncool person, I feel myself gravitating towards using the latter. Thoughts?

What the???

No Inflation?? Check these prices

I don't know about you, but the Sun of DiarEASE looks a little constipated to me....

Services to be held at the Regal Beagle

Whoever you are, where ever you are, I want you to stop and take a moment. The King is gone. Ralph Furley was a legend my friend, and he has moved on....

Don Knotts, RIP

Finally....

Thursday evening is here.
Cold Stella Artois in a glass.
Can I call in sick tomorrow??

Come on! You know I would never do that....

Dilbert Is Funny...if you've been to Corporate America

Interesting little article from the Senator. I know that I rarely feel a sense of accomplishment in my job as too many things are requested. I simply cannot finish everything. So it becomes a matter of starting a million projects and finishing only those that are either a). most on fire, or b). actually important. A small and not-so insignificant rule is that everything must be treated like it is important. A necessary, and I don't care how dedicated anyone is, by-product of this environment is that productivity is reduced, imho.

But!! Is that bad? By this flurry of non-sense, are people traded money for their activity through which they are able to put food on their tables, roofs over their heads, clothings on the bodies of their dependants, and most importantly, pay taxes with? Yes. And maybe that's what it's all about.

Last quick note: I'm in first place in the uber-important Yahoo Fantasy Golf league.
-no, not the whole league smart guy, just my tournament within the whole league.

Humility, or Can I Kiss Ass Well Enough?

Today was hard for me. I want to, but something inside me says 'don't blog about work.' During my first appointment, my contact more or less threw me under the bus several times for her own benefit as her new boss was in the meeting. I don't mind once or twice, it comes with the territory, but after a couple of times of picking myself up and dusting myself off, it gets old. My ego starts to peak out of my ear, eyeballing it's next victim. I kept it check today, and although not entirely rare, it's a 50/50 proposition. If I'm to blame, okay, I can take my lumps. If I'm not, and you're just trying to deflect your incompetence, well, you only get a couple of those.

I like to think of myself as being a patient, understanding person. Alas, the opposite is most likely closer to the truth. After a few tries, I grow weary and irritable. It's one thing to say "I don't understand," or "I don't agree," but to just keep repeating that you're not getting what you need while I keep repeating that it is right here, right beneath your nose, just waiting to be put into practice, well, that just gets me going sometimes.

And now to get completely juvenille and fixated on the unimportant: one of the requests of my customer was some data, with certain parameters for around 50 different sets. Not a problem, just tell me what you need, and that is what I will get you. Well today she coudn't stop hammering home how the data set included 4 sets that were not hers. In my meeting I was drooling to let her know that I had cut and pasted the set description from a file she had sent me, and later realized that 4 ofthe sets were incorrect b/c her data had transposed a "4" for a "Y." This was not an error on my part, or my company's. This was her error. Again, tell me what you need, and that is what I will get you. If you ask me to tell you where the phone number 555-1212 rings, and I tell you, please don't accuse me of not helping you b/c I have not told you where 555-2121 rings.

Lesson learned: don't trust that people won't make mistakes.
Lesson already learned:I must trust people to help me or I will spend my life reinventing everything.
Lesson to be learned tomorrow: I so badly want to show this woman up, but I know it's not going to help me or my company in the end.

Do I get paid enough to be this humble? Answer is a "no," which is proceeded by a variation of the 'f' word. But I'm trying b/c afterall, Jesus and Rush said it: The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth.

Liquid's Got the Best Eye Ever!!

How in the world did you notice that? And, no, I'm not going to hype it. I'm the anti-hype.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

--John Lennon

Don't Believe the Hype

Why are we always so infatuated with hype? It's everywhere.

The Youngest 35 year old I know

Scoja founder and chief architect is 35 today. Can you believe it? His soul is both ancient and reborn every second, or is it twice every second?

Scott - Happy Birthday, man! Make sure you get everything you need/want/desire today and tonight from that little Frenchie of yours.

Have You Been?

jonvarsano.com rocks. Simple as that. I just visited the links section, even though he showed me this today on his Treo while I awaited my egg sandwich at a cafe in Culver City while basking in the 80 degree sunshine, and sure enough......it's there. A link to my blog. I just want to say, Jon, you, my friend, are the BOMB!
Is it still cool to say that someone is 'the bomb?' How about 'tight?' Is that still cool, in the parlance of our times?"

TODAY.

--word carved on a stone on John Rushkin's desk.

Walter Hoving

I don't get it -- do they rent RV's or horses? Or do they rent children on horseback? Or maybe their target market are children with loads of expendable income and no parents, and they're renting the adults on horseback. On another note, the girl in the picture was standing and talking to the gentleman who was filling the tank. I couldn't quite see inside the Recreational Vehicle, so I was not able to tell if she had already made the sandwiches or not. If she had, then she should be commended for next proceeding to come keep her guy company while he fueled up the wagon. If she hadn't.....well, she better uncross her arms quickly and get back to work.

Today I visited the Walter Hoving Home in Pasadena. It's a Christian-based rehab for women. It costs $300/month to stay there. You share a room with another women, and each room has it's own bathroom. You're given chores to do, but aside from that each woman must get up at 5:30 every morning and clean their bathroom. Then they read the Bible for an hour (I think, and if Oprah is reading any of this, it's all fiction as I don't want to be lambasted b/c my memory is incorrect), have breakfast and then go about their day. In the first month you cannot have incoming phone calls from anyone and/or visitors. After a month you can get phone calls from the payphone; there is one per floor. There is no email. You can have visitors come and visit you on Saturday from 1-4 pm and Sunday from 1-3 pm. After 3 months you can leave for small periods of time. You cannot eat cookies or cake after 9 pm. You cannot maintain contact - via phone, letters, or in person visits - with a boyfriend. You cannot be a lesbian. There are designated times that you read and study the Bible. I'm sure there's more, but these are the basics.

I hope that doesn't sound negative. Afterall, this is a Rehab. Most of the women are old, and their faces show a long, weary life. This isn't a last stop per se, but if you can't change here, you're getting pretty close to the point where you live on the streets and just await your demise. I've been to visitor hours twice now and I really enjoy it. You see the women's families; you see their young children coming to visit "Mommy"; you see their parents or siblings bringing them food and a slice of what normalcy is; but what you mainly see is that there are people who care about them. I don't listen in on their conversations, but I don't see a lot of accusing or condemnation. You just see people coming to spend some time with people they care about. And then you see people who don't have visitors as well.

I want to thank the people at the Walter Hoving Home, and similar institutions for the work they do. Sometimes this life is tough, and whether we want to admit it or not, we are all in this together. So it's nice to see people doing something for others.

As for me, when no one was looking I stole some money out of the donations basket.

Dilbert

Scott Adams is the cartoonist who does Dilbert, and he has a blog. I read this today, and thought it was a fairly interesting, and quite possible extremely accurate, point of view:

Q. Do you ever fall into the trap of thinking that because you are a minor celebrity then your opinions are more important than anyone else’s?

A. I think opinions have entertainment value and that’s about it. It’s not as if people change their views because someone made a better argument. And rarely are opinions based on adequate information. So from that perspective, all opinions are equally (un)important.

At first I thought this was ridiculous, but slowly - as all great ideas come - I realized that this was much bigger than I had first conceptualized. Be sure to check out the photo page. And the Beer Song is mandatory. Sorry to get military in here, but it really is mandatory. And when you think you've got the gist of it, and the song is still going, you must continue on. Trust me on this, it's not a stupid trick where the song never ends. When you're done watching, maybe you have some of the same questions as me. Namely, was that a child petting a dinosaur I saw flash by? And during the let's get drunk and drive (never a good idea) segment, was that a Panda behind the wheel? And then of course we finish with the 1980's free penguin icon.

Couple quick things here: can someone please explain what the gentleman in the upper left-hand corner are doing? And secondly, 'Glaucoma Hymn?' This is the kind of stuff that spawned the "what the...." craze.

Tomorrow I start really kicking ass. No more slackin' off. Tomorrow....

Better Men Than Me

I have this ritual I do every morning. I keep a book of daily readings or meditations by Tolstoy in my car. And everyday just before I get out of the car to go to work, I read that day's entry. When I park, if the radio is playing something I like, I just lower the volume while I read. Today was "Jammin'," by Bob Marley. Now while I love Marley, this has never really been a favorite of mine. But one of the lyrics just came out the song this morning like a brick and stuck me right between the eyeballs. He sang, and I paraphrase, that 'life is worth more than gold.' For a guy coming off the streets of a country living below the poverty line, that is pretty amazing.

Anywho, I'm having some tea right now. Camomile I think. Honey. Spoon. Hot water. Mmmm, good. A couple of years ago I had this really bad sore throat. Felt like someone had taken a cheese grater to the inside. So I got in the habit of constantly drinking hot water, fresh lemon, and honey. And it was damn good! If I was smart I would forego the tea and just go for the HotLemonHoney concoction. For now, I'm happy that I'm drinking tea. Maybe it's a trick as I am easily duped, but it just makes me feel a little bit better to drink it. Still doesn't taste as good a nice cup of coffee, but as my Uncle Tim once told me, "everyday can't be roses."

Today I really enjoyed the intro to this site. I didin't even enter it as I was afraid I'd spend the next 3 hours thoroughly investigating everything inside. Maybe you think "forbidden doughnut" is funny too?

Lastly, if you click on the above left photo it will get bigger. And when it gets bigger you can make out some of the inscribed names. My favorite is BUBBA. Which is yours?

Oops, one more thing. How do either of you link the new font. I'm experimenting with both fonts and font sizes. Leave a comment letting me know which you like better. Today is Courier, while the last couple of days have been Arial.

Put it in the books, Valentine's Day 2006 is done.

Morning: One present, one card.
Evening: Hot spinach salad, bottle of Chardonnay, Shrimp and Scallop Scampi, homemade ice cream (Rocky Road and chocolate chip cookie) sanwich, and Camomille tea w/ honey to close it out. Too bad I'm not a rich bastard as I'd like to keep this lifestyle going. Alas, I'm just a bastard and I have to go to work tomorrow....

But for tonight, I think I have done good, and I am proud. Really, I should bask in this feeling as long as I can for tomorrow it will be ripped from me like a cheap eyebrow hotwax.

Sleep well world, sleep well...

VD Is Upon Us

That's right........tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Per my biological programming, I have once again waited until the last minute to do my part. I've really got to stop doing that. It's bad feng shui for the mind. But I do think that I've done good this year. I should be chore-free for at least a week. We'll see how that goes though. Sometimes it raises the expectations and actually produces the opposite of the intended effect.

Okay, it's official: my gut is way too big for my skinny frame. Starting today I decree less alcohol, less red meat, more fruits and vegetables, exercise thrice per week, what else? Almost forgot, more water!!! How could I possibly almost forget water?? Water is the key here, I think. And less soda. That should be a pretty good assault upon my bulging belly. I can't even call it a beer belly, or beer gut. At least those are cool names that show you've been up to something fun. I rather look like I just play video games and eat donuts all day.

Shop Until I Drop

An email I received from JV:
"Weekend: Finished the remainder of the Armagnac that Blumin left, partaked in the last of the Garfield red hair, and watched “No Direction Home,” Sciorsece (spelling?) documentary about Dylan. Very Good, I highly recommend all of the above."

Sounds like a pretty good weekend to me. What'd I do? Oh............endless/mindless shopping. What'd we buy? Curtains I think. I'm not really sure because I'm on leave for putting whatever we bought up till next weekend. All I know is that I have re-confirmed that I don't really dig shopping. Ever. I like to know what it is I want to buy, where they sell it, go to that store, locate my targets, find someone who can sell me my goods, and then get out of there. Cruising around just looking at stuff doesn't do it for me. I'd rather be at home making sure I have enough toilet paper stocked in the bathroom, or something of a non-trivial nature like that.

Gina sent me this for when I'm bored and need to act like a 13 year-old.

Just as a follow-up item, this weekend I did not:

1. wash my car
2. shine my shoes
3. buy shoelaces
4. relax and prepare for the insanity that awaits me on Monday
5. run a couple of miles
6. buy a new coffee table (although the marathon search this weekend has at least narrowed it down to a winner, and all we need to do is order that sucker)
7. buy a new rug
   

Where's my Michelob?

Today I split a pitcher of Boddington's Cream Ale with Gina at this British pub in Old Town Pasadena. We're mid-February and I wore a short sleeve shirt all day. Doesn't get too much better really. We sat outside in their patio which is in this alley one block off of Colorado. I can't remember the name of the place, but I'll ask the better half and see if she remembers it.

Some things I really have to do tomorrow:

1. Wash my car
2. Shine my shoes
3. Buy soap
4. Buy shoelaces
5. Relax and prepare for the insanity that awaits me on Monday

Some things I don't necessarily have to do, but would like to do:

1. Read the paper and drink coffee
2. Run a couple of miles
3. Get a new coffee table
4. Get a new rug for the living room

So as you can see, I've got a pretty busy Sunday planned.

Hero Culture

Just my opinion, but were the Grammy's about as boring as anything can get? I miss all these shows so I'm not sure if I'm close to correct here, or it's just me. I will say that I usually like the Oscars. I like seeing all the stars, and seeing the looks on their faces when they're trying to pretend that they like somebody. And, it's only once a year.

But back to the Grammy's. I remember watching the MTV music awards in college and really liking those shows. But that was over ten years ago, so I'm left wondering if I'm just not cool anymore and I'm just not understanding what is cool and fashionable right now. I mean, I just found out about blogging, for chissakes! But this is what is so cool about blogging: I don't think I've ever written or spoken the word "chrissakes" before. Now I can, pretty cool, huh?

I was impressed with Kelly Clarkson. I also never really watched "Idol," so I only knew her name as it became more popular that Mohammed (even though he's back in the news apparently). That girl can sing.

Other impressions: Bono needs to get over himself. The Edge, despite the fact that it's hard to respect him when he keeps showing up on these All Time Greatest Guitarist lists, seems to be a pretty cool guy. What else did I see before I almost decided to clean the bathroom? Oh yeah, Chris Martin. Bingo! Nice skipping Chris. Extreme Gene would blow you away in a skipoff!! I think Chris is a talented song writer, has a good voice, and maybe this is me being out of touch again........but is he/Coldplay anything special? He acts like he's on par with Jesus, Aristotle, Michael Jordan, and Oppenheimer. Music as it has existed for over 2,000 years has had so many better talents that go unnoticed, and if we met them on the street we'd think they were just ordinary people. Oh well.....

Photo Blog?

What's this blog all about anyway? My friend Tovar refers to it as my "rant page," or something to that affect. But it's not just a vehicle for my ranting. Ideally, it would be some sort of journal because I want to keep a journal, but I really just hate writing by hand. Short notes are fine, but anything beyond that, and I just get bored.....and then fade to a halt. Mysteriously I actually enjoy typing. Anyhow, a journal? But can I really be totally honest on here like a journal is supposed to be? I think not.

Maybe I'll start putting more pictures into my Flickr account, and start leaning towards a photo blog. I frequent a few great photo sites, but it can be overwhelming at times - especially so since going digital. If anyone actually reads this, and has any comments, please either email them to me or post them.

For today, I'll pretend this a blog dedicated to photography.

I have this project I've had in my mind for several months now. It revolves around getting photos of my family members and framing them. The general idea is to get each family member in a solo shot. All in black and white, but this isn't a rule. And I'd like to take each person and get many shots, so I can end up with each photo of each member being entirely unique and different.

For example, Family Member A is a shot of just their nose and one ear, Family Member B from directly above their head with him/her looking up, etc. Just get a bunch of random and different shots of everyone, then select one per family member, and frame it. Then display them all on a wall. I got this idea from Beverly, and I think it's a really great idea.

Histogram?

The histogram for this photo basically said it was overexposed. Ha! Just goes to show what a computer knows. I think this photo is kinda rad.

I still need blog help. I did ask once before, and one lady was kind enough to offer some support. But her advice was to learn HTML, and while that was sound counsel, I need a little more than that. I need an advanced-intermediate blogger to take me under their wing. I have questions. If that might be you, please let me know.

JB sent me this from Sharkle today, and it made me laugh. Will it make you laugh? I don't know, why don't you click it, find out, and let me know what happened?

I got a Supercut today, and as always.......it is looking super. What I love about Supercuts aside from the fact that they call themselves "Supercuts" just like Superman called himself "Superman," is the wacky staff. In tonight's episode, my stylist's mouth was, oh about the same height as my ear - and for that matter, I guess both ear's - and she was having this really boring yet thankfully loud conversation with another of the Scissor Masters across the salon regarding her new cellphone. Apparently, and I quote, "it's a shitty phone, so I'm sending it back." I don't really mind this sort of bravado, because I'm a realist and so I love the reality of it. What I didn't really need was that I wasn't sure whether I was hearing the words via the normal vibrations in the air, or via some new method by which my ear was able to render the moisture of her breath.

Lil Help?

One of these days I'm going to start drinking more tea, and less coffee.
One of these days I'll never eat at McDonald's again.
One of these days I'll realize, comprehend, and accept that things both good and bad will just happen in my life.

Today I know that I should be happy for I have my health, great friends that provide me with an infinite supply of warmth and fun, and the most wonderful woman to walk this Earth.
I love my wife, and because she is here for me, I know that things will be just fine, if I only allow them to be.

"Perception is the birth of meaning."
--a sticker I saw plastered to the side of table

The State of Disco in 2006

Superbowl is today. It's funny how if you don't turn into the buzz, it seems just like any ordinary day. But in a couple of hours, I will undoubetdly catch sight and sound of a TV tuned into the Superbowl, and I'm pretty sure everything that comes out of that television will be aimed at making it seem like today is the greatest day ever. I guess they call it hoopla?

I'm just excited to attend Varsano's historic Superbowl Party.

Last night we enjoyed some Armagnac compliments of SCOJA, then headed straight into the Twilight Zone. We had dinner in downtown Culver City at this italian restaurant called San Gennaro (I think?). Our waitress was young, and Italian (again, I think?), and really wasn't too sure what in the hell she was doing. But she was cheery and after the initial wait period at the table which rivalled some of my better DMV experiences, she did just fine. Supposedly, and I still don't believe this part, this restuarant has $12 bottels of wine. JV ordered an Ironstone cabernet off the list, and the waitress returned with an Iron House, or Iron Horse. Upon realizing the error, she dashed off only to return with 4 bottles in her clutches, none of which were an Ironstone cabernet or I'd ever even heard of. I think we settled into a bottle of Barefoot Merlot - which I have actually seen in the stores but have never thought of purchasing. We decided on our next bottle based upon our waitress' recommendation. I think it went something like this:

"This one is good, but some people like this one too. This other one, in the cabernet which we don't have, is really good. It won a prize."

Pure genius, my friends. "It won a prize." What type of prize? Therein lies her masterful sales technique. Anyway, bottle opened, bottle poured, wine drunk.

Back to the crooner, who was good, but sort of seemed like he was just an actor. He talked like he was in the rat pack, or knew mobsters in the 1950's New York. So he was singing all these Dean Martin/Frank Sinatra tunes, and people were actually dancing! It was pretty refreshing. Most were ancient, with perfectly coifed hair, but there were some young cats too. Gina and I hit the floor for about 1/2 of a song, and I dropped about 3 seconds worth of Robot on the old timers.

Next we hit the Culver Hotel for one after dinner drink. Nice atmosphere, but only one bartender trying to service about 40 people. Oops, almost forgot the anciano who was on the dessert wine/cheese cart. Nice guy, dressed well, cool Euro accent, but again.....if I found out it was his first night, I wouldn't have been surprised.

Then it was back to Varsano Villa West, for a little more armagnac and a couple of laughs in 'the office.' I love 'the office.' Secluded, comfortable, music, refrigarator, couch/bed. What else could a man need? A toilet perhaps, but sometimes it's nice to not have everything you desire.

GnarGnar

Whoever sent me this pic, and you know who you are, titled it "gnargnar." 2 of these 3 guys are certainly gnar, so maybe the title should have been "gnargnarungnar," but maybe that's just too long.

I still need help understanding why it is so common in LA for drivers to hold up lanes of traffic while attempting to make a left turn over a double-yellow line?

Completely unrelated, GW is asking for a defense budget of $439B. Without making a comment or criticism either for or against military spending, I'm just a little curious why we need to spend that much? This animation makes an interesting point regarding how much do we need to spend? I recall studying Ben & Jerry's in a high school Economics class (way back in 1987) and learning that these two hippies had set up their company so that the highest paid employee was never paid more than 5 times what the lowest paid employee was paid. I thought that was pretty cool; of course I was 17 and had no real expenses.

Exxon posted a $10.7B profit for the 4th quarter. I'm still not sure how our cost went up as their costs {allegedly} went up, and yet they posted record gains? I know, this is old news, just thought about it again this morning.

Speaking of energy, I have an idea for a cleaner, cheaper fuel source. At my house, and undoubtedly others as well, we have this constant stream of recycling. I'm referring of course to the flood of junk mail that hits my mailbox daily, and is emptied into a bin that is emptied into another bin for the city to collect and recylce. If we could only find a way to harness this kinetic energy....

Same Bat Time

When there's trouble in my town, the batlight that calls out for help looks a little different than Gotham's.

And yes, Tovar, I'm drinking another scrumptious glass of Sutter Home as I type this.
And, Gary, wow. 5? I just exited the restroom after SS Steamar's second sailing for today, and I'm not as comfortable as I'd like to be.
And, Apple lovers, my CD-RW is not working. Won't open manually, and isn't recognized in the hardware profile either. I've rebooted 2 times now. I might have to put a call into SCOJA.
And, Barn.........good one, who is that Barn-guy anyway?

In honor of GW's State of the Union and the heating up of the political b.s. season, I offer up this interesting article that obviously doesn't only apply to politics, but really illuminates how we might relate to our world in general.

Additionally, I liked this article regarding the situation that is facing our Middle Class. Honestly, I would have thought that we'd become too accustomed to living above our means. Apparently not though....

Rexall is King!

Seriously, in the spirit of all that is good in this world, I'm not sure there is a better store. I buy my underwear there. I just got home from there, pickd up a can of shaving cream, 10 razors, a 4 oz. serving of Anti-perspirant/deodorant, and....AND two bottles of wine for a grand total of $18. Top that, I dare you. You can also buy milk there, get your prescriptions filled, photos developed, and tonight they had a poker table for sale. Not for sale via a a sign in the window, or on some top shelf in the back. No. This little guy was set up, right in the middle of the store, with chairs surrounding it and everything. Had I been in tip top condition tonight, I would have surely headed to the aisle that sells the wine opener and returned to the table to sit and enjoy some Cabernet while reflecting upon my good fortune.

As for the wine, sure it's Sutter Home, but it's $3.50 per bottle. It's not like I purchased it to be opened on my 10 year wedding anniversary. So, settle down you.

Continuing on, my Rexall is on the corner of La Cienega and Beverly Blvds. If you're familiar with the area, I think you understand the nice combination of all walks of life that I get to encounter. If you're not, then....shit, sorry.

Where's the Beef?

Last Saturday we'd just finished playing 18th holes of golf, it was a nice and warm sunny day, the Gin & Tonics were ready, my suit was on, towel in hand, and.......the Sheriff's department is over at the jacuzzi checking out a 911 call. Great, can't I ever catch a break?

Upon arriving on the scene, the sheriffs (who turned out to be quite mellow and cool) found a man sitting inside the jacuzzi area - but not in the jacuzzi - who was 'disoriented and unsure of who he was and where he was.' Uh....okay. My first thought was drugs. Gotta be, right? I'm thinking he's hit his meth too hard, but what the hell do I know?

So we trot over in our trunks, cocktails in hand, towels slung over our shoulders, witnessing this whole thing going down not more than 15 yards from the jacuzzi. We've got 2 Sherriff's, 4 firemen, several EMT's, more emergency workers showing up to be waved off, and me and my dad are chilling front row in the jacuzzi. Half of me felt like it was a bit irreverent, and half of me knew that I was on a schedule: I had 45 minutes before I had to be at my sister's for my stepmom's birthday celebration. It was now, or not until tomorrow to soak in the jacuzzi with a fine Sapphire & Tonic. Unless asked not to, I was gonna to sit in the jacuzzi.

Long story short.......too late, it turns out that this guy is actually in the middle of a diabetic shock. His blood sugar is so low that he's sitting on the ground, only remembers his first name, is not sure where he lives, and he's laughing and moving like a jelly skeleton. Very unnerving once I realized how close this guy came to dying really.

Fast forward to Monday. Come 11:30 a.m., I felt as though my blood sugar was getting low. Not to be funny, I know it wasn't getting dangerously low, but I was feeling really sluggish, and knew it was only time before I became irritable and cranky, and then the total A-hole all who know me have met before. My solution? Protein. Fastest and tastiest method of getting said protein into my bloodstream? In-N-Out Burger.

In the last year, I moved down from the Double-Double to the Single. Yeah, okay, call me a pussy. I just decided that I didn't need all that meat. And once I tried a Single, I realized I was fine. That was a perfect amount of food for me. But this day something deep down inside of me was crying out for more. It ached, and pleaded, so I indulged it. Double-Double, fries, soda. No problem. I must've finished every single peice of food on my tray w/in 4 minutes. One word: deliciosa. Translation: f'ing goooooooood!!!!!

Hey! You! Yeah, you!!

I guess the consensus is not going Gene's way....

But onward and upward!! It's Thursday and I'm waiting to eat some pizza and drink some wine. Mmmmmm, good for me.

Mr. Frey of AMLP got lambasted (apparently, I didn't see the episode) by Oprah today. I read about it in the news and then even heard about it on NPR. Well, I guess we get what we get......or, we reap what we sow......or, something like that.

I still like the book. The second one is boring me already, but it's such fast reading I'll finish it. I'm of a lower order and books with big words and no pictures can be tough on me, forcing slumber is the usual result. Lucky for me, I love to slumber.

What else? Congo Slapper sent me an email a couple of weeks ago, telling me he liked a particular post and that he would leave a comment answering some of the questions I was looking to have answered. So I was excited, and eagerly looked forward to the comment. Everyday I hurriedly skipped home, almost tripping over the Slip N' Slide to get to my mailbox, hoping that Congo Slap had replied. So far, nothing. Thank goodness he's not playing Santa Claus for all the kids under 8 years of age who still believe.

Now he leaves a comment asking why I'm not posting?? Maybe I'm just waiting for him to come through with his unsolicited comments? But seriously CS, I would like to hear your thoughts on this.

Bears.

I guess the war in Iraq is costing the U.S. $6-7B every month. Not bad. Money well spent.

Lucky for us:

God is always on the side of big battalions.
-Voltaire

Cowpie

What does it really mean when someone thanks you in advance for you support, patience, assistance, and understanding? It can't really mean exactly that, can it?

Xenophobia

Oftentimes I have a harder time understanding what message English-speaking peoples are trying to convey to me than foreigners.

With foreigners, and this includes EFL (English as a First Language) who have strong accents, I'm usually having trouble understanding the words coming out of their mouths. Once I get a hold of that, I'm usually good.

On the other side of the burger are these people who I have no trouble whatsoever understanding the words, yet somehow I have no fucking clue what they're talking about?

Or......

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night
Working hard to get my fill,
everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Ripley's

With an Oakland Tribune reporter and 20 people looking on in November in a parking lot in Fremont, Calif., Tu Jin-Sheng, 50, "grandmaster" in one of the Chinese arts of Qigong, pulled a rental truck several yards using only a piece of fabric tied to the base of his genitals. Jin-Sheng is supposedly a leader of the branch of Qigong known as "Iron Crotch," whose 60,000 adherents worldwide believe that strengthening the genitals increases energy. To warm up for the pull, Jin-Sheng had an assistant kick him hard between the legs. [Oakland Tribune, 11-23-05]

Babyhead, now that's funny

Shoes, Shoes, Shit......

Today I polished my shoes. I don't mind polishing shoes, but if someone else would do it, and hopefully do a better job of it, and not charge me for it, I would never polish another shoe again. Does this make me cheap?

Yesterday my wife bought me a pair of shoes b/c I always wear the same shoes I bought over a year ago. So that got me to thinking about my shoe purchasing. I realized that since I've known my wife, I've bought one (1) pair of shoes. A pair of brown, slip-on Clarks from the yearly Men's Sale at Nordstrom's for $60. That's it. Before that I bought these Salomon hiking shoes for $80, but that was 5 years ago. Whoa, just remembered that I was given a pair of Rainbow flip-flops for Christmas 2004, but I didn't buy them, so that doesn't count anyway.

She also bought me a pair of jeans b/c currently I have two pairs. One pair has been deemed the "nice, go out" pair, and the other is the everyday selection. The everday selection has worn a hole in the crotch, so the wife decided that I needed a new pair of jeans. Something nice, something that she thinks is sexy. Who am I to complain? I'm the American Gigolo with the sugarmama, and I think that's schweet.

So if I develop even more of an attitude, please understand why. I just got a new pair of jeans and a new pair of shoes, and I think I'm better than you.

Whatever.

Funny things happened to me all day, but I'll have to recount those later. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I procrastinate. I'll also get into (later) why I was at www.thesmokinggun.com, but while I was here, I ran into these numbskulls:

Midgets?
Buzzed??
Read the story on this guy.

In other news, our Dishnetwork is not working. It's happened before, but not too often, so I let it slide. This time my experience was.....well, interesting from a consumer standpoint.

Turn on TV.
Message: Satellite Acuiring signal.
This is common, only takes about 20 seconds. 10 Minutes later, it's time to call Customer Service.
Speak with Derrick. Derrick runs through the usual checks, decides there's something wrong with the dish getting the signal from the satellite, and determines that somebody needs to come out and fix the mofo. So far, my attitude is "okay, cool." I've only spent about 15 minutes at this point. So he puts me on hold to transfer me to Advanced Tech..............dial tone. Attitude shifts with the breeze and is now heading north of "okay, cool."

Call back, run through the autmoated menu and get Andy. Briefly explain to Andy what just happened and that Derrick had determined that someone should come out. Andy says that he sees that in the notes, but of course Andy is one hell of a buckaroo and he's gotta give it his College try. I'm sort of like Andy in that I don't want to trust the guy before me, so I humor him and let him walk me through the exact same steps that Derrick and I just lovingly walked through (arm in arm of course). When he can't fix it, I figure he's going to finally just send out a technician. Ha ha!! Silly human. Andy wants me to unplug my receiver and trade it out with the receiver in the other room that is working fine, so "we can see if the problem follows the receiver, or if it's local to the wiring or dish." Sounds logical, but now I'm in for about 40 minutes and I ask Andy why I have to do their work for them, when it is I that pays them every month? Andy is not sure. Fine, I'll do this, even though I've done it before and it never fixed the problem and a technician came out in the end, and then I'll call you back.

Do all the b.s., nothing happens, call back. Forget who I'm talking to now, but there's a little more pressing of buttons, and checking settings.......and, nothing. So 3rd rep starts in with insurance and warranty and I can hear it coming like a long, low train whistle. They're gonna try and charge me to have someone come out, aren't they!!?? You bet. $49. But I'm being offered the discount rate, b/c it's normally $99! Sweet, I feel better already. They just saved me $50!!!!

I innocently, calmly, and politely ask 3rd rep why I would do that when I can just cancel my service and get cable or DirectTV and they will gladly set me up for free? He thought I had a good point, but asked me to call DishNetwork first if I decided to cancel and give them the opportunity to fix the problem to my satisfaction. That's funny, I could have sworn that I was talking to DishNetwork!?

3rd rep seemed to miss the sublety of what I was saying here. So I more bluntly, yet still as friendly as a peanut butter cookie, told him that I was talking to DishNetwork right now and that if they had nothing to say more than a $49 service call, I'd almost guarantee it that my next call would be to cancel. He thought that sounded rational, and one more time just asked me to call Customer Service first, to give them another chance. I had to love 3rd rep at this point.

So anyway, probably getting rid of DishNetwork in the morning.

Kumbaya...

"The sage has no mind of his own.
He is aware of the needs of others."

--Forty-nine, Tao Te Ching

What's that have to do with this post? Nothing, just thought it sounded cool and groovy. Or I guess I could make it have something to do with this post, seeing as I have no idea what I'm going to type about anyway.

Was Jesus really the Earth's first punk rocker. He stepped onto the stage, grabbed the mike, and just told the Establishment that he didn't really care what they had to say as long as they went against what he believed in. He told them that many of their ideas were bogus and he wasn't interested. Then he stole some attention, offered a rest to the weariness that many felt, and they killed him for it. Nothing new there though; that's what we humans do with the good ones: we kill them. They threaten to steal power, so we 'turn off' that threat, is that how it goes? And I'm just referring to the World-at-large here, and not anyone in particular. MLK, Malcolm only after he turns to peace from violence, John Lennon, Ghandi, even Old Yeller. But seriously, Ghandi? Yeah, bad dude, we better get rid of him and his insolent malevolence.

A quick, and not so easily answered question I have: why can't Jesus come back and administer the beat down that is deserved? They say it's b/c we have free will, and need to make our own choices, but I want some Divine clarification on what is bad and what is good. Or I need a better explanation as to why Christians - and if you believe in their offering then you must also understand that this goes for every human born - must freely choose to do right if it really exists. Why can't the God of the Universe just come down and set us all straight? Why?

Let's try this again.......

Well, it's a new year, officially. I guess we're calling this 2006. Funny thing is....I pretty much feel the same as I did two days ago. Weird.

New Year's Eve was cool. Drank champagne all day, had parents over for steak and potatoes, and then my mom finished up the evening by detailing my grandmother's cancer. Way to set the mood, Mom. I felt similar to how I felt after seeing "Munich" yesterday. Good movie, kind of a downer though. And I guess the Jews, or Israel, aren't all that happy with Spielberg now. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'm going to try and weigh in with my Jewish freinds and get some consensus.

What else? I'm re-reading the "Tao Te Ching" as it was in "A Million Little Peices." And, now I'm somehow obsessed with finding out how factual AMLP is. Should I care? Probably not. Do I? Yes. Weird. Also ordered "My Friend Leonard."