Wednesday, November 30, 2005

It's On

Big Time has been acheived. I just added Site Meter to this blog. Not only can I store my kooky thoughts and silly pictures on someone else's computer, but now I can see how many people visit my site! Can you feel the energy? Wait....listen. That's it, it may be distant, and only a buzz, but it is a buzz. Yeahhhhhh................

Monday, November 28, 2005

Giving My Thanks

Just got back from Tahoe. Temps were in the 20's at the coldest point, so not too bad, but not too warm either. Friday night we went out with my two sisters and their dudes, leaving the kids at home with the grandparents. So we all got pretty good and primed, and just before I let my brother-in-law talk me into a Fatburger with a fried egg inside at 12:30 a.m., I clearly remember a few of the guys swearing that, though the lake was cold (purportedly 40 degrees for about the first few feet with a rapid fall off in temp. thereafter), we were definitely going in tomorrow. "You going in? Yeah? Me too, definitely! I know it's cold, but it can't be that cold. And then we can just haul up to the jacuzzi." Yeah, perfect plan sponsored in part by Tecate, red wine, cold sake, Saporro, Red Bull, Vodka, Gin, cigarettes, and testosterone.

I didn't quite make it into the lake the following day. We had bigger cattle to catch that day my friends. It was my grandma's 80th birthday, so we did what everyone does for that ocassion; we planned a ho-down, a square dance, a party cowboy style.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving?

The antique desk/fake-out Baker's Rack is sold. Sorry, suckers, you snooze, well, you get properly rested and most likely make great decisions thereafter...

I was too lazy to mention in my previous post, that the ticket referred to (that had been overturned for my girlfriend/now wife) was reversed b/c we had been mistakenly (oh sure, like I'm going to believe that this happens) ticketed in our neighborhood by local Parking Enforcement Superpowers (and super intelligence). So let's recap:

1. We pay taxes
2. We pay additionally to park in our own neighborhood where we pay taxes (these aren't add'l permits for visitors).
3. The crack squadron of Parking Enforcement has on more than one occasion written a ticket for not having a permit when one is glued to the spot that the neo-Gestapo requires.
-quick editorial note: The permits cost money, and they demand that you place them on your vechicle via a glue which renders them impossible to be removed. Most do this obediently; some do not. I, as a sheep who tried to jump the wall but was struck down, obey and have placed our permits in designated locations. I have also verified with my banking institution that funds in the predetermined amounts have been withdrawn from my account.
4. My wife and I, as tax-paying residents, are only allowed to receive one mistake from P.E. per year between the two of us.

Does this seem fair? I'm not complaining. Just curious. Either it seems that it's unfair to tax-paying residents, or it's unfair to the City. Maybe my next infraction should require I come and make sandwiches for the boys. After that, maybe a day of scrapping gum? I'm not really sure.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Yep, that's my toilet!

Isn't she beautiful? Can't you just feel the loyalty? Always there when I need her, always coming through in the clutch. No back talk, no disapproving looks or wacky emotional swings. Kind of like a dog I suppose, but hasn't taken a shit in my closet yet. As a matter of fact, apparently the reverse is true.

Okay, just gotta say this quickly. OJ criminal trial verdict: Not Guilty. Civil trial verdict: Guilty. Robert Blake criminal trial verdict: Not Guilty. Civil trial verdict: Guilty. What in the F is going on? The burden of proof is lessened in the Civil trial? Is it b/c the plaintiffs can never seem to collect any cash from these people as they're "broke," yet seem to survive on untouchable $25k/month pensions, and other b.s. like that?

Well, I'm pissed off here! I always pay my tickets and other revenue generators for the State and local municipalities. Always; I just believe it's right. And on 2 separate occasions I received bogus tickets.

"No big deal," I thought. "I'll just explain the situation and the rational person on the other end of the conversation will be able to clearly see what is right, and the ticket will be reveresed."

Correction, make that 3 times (just remembered a time from 1988). so, what has transpired? Oh, just your standard, run-of-the mill, waste my time and effort and then say "no" in the end. "Oh, okay, thank you."

Seriously. I had a parking ticket person give me a ticket in my neighborhood for not having a permit, when I have a permit that I pay for right on my fucking bumper.

Ticket division: "You can only have one ticket reversed per year, per household."
My Answer to this nonsense: "Perfect! I haven't had a ticket reversed."
T.D.: "Actually, you had one reversed 9 months ago."
Me: "No I didn't."
T.D.: "License plate blah-blah-blibbidy blab did."
Me: "That's my girlfriend's car, and she has her own permit. We pay for two permits."
T.D.: "You can only have one ticket reveresed per year, per household."
Me{blushing b/c the T.D. girl is a cute beast of understanding and kindness}: "What!!!??????"
T.D.: "Those are the rules. Next!"

Shithouse. Someone, please let me go back to my home planet.....

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Get busy livin' or....

Brooks from Shawshank said it best, "The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry." I mean seriously, I'm down at MacArthur park, trying to score, and the damn dealers won't even slow down they're so busy making money. Capitalist bastards.

Speaking of Capitalism, I'm trying to get rid of some, furniture out of my living room. In the past, my junk has literally flown off the shelf. It's been even easier than making brownies. Step 1, digital photo. Step2, Craigslist posting. Step 3, have buyer come get crap. Easy, right? Well, not with the latest round of goodies.

Here's what I've got: a faux-antique desk that resembles a baker's rack, and weighs exactly a fun-loving 4,ooo lbs. In addition to this necessity, we're trying to liquidate (yeah capitalism!) our coffee table and his two matching end table buddies. Please, have a heart, they need homes too! The tables actually look pretty cool, but it's glass, which I'm not really into. Here are a couple of photos, and maybe, just maybe, nah....forget about it. Unless you want to? Let me know....

Now of course I'm kidding. I would never use this space of creativity and freedom to start peddling my wares. Come on, now! You knew that. But if you've got cold, hard cash and can pick it up immediately, call me anytime, day or night.

Lastly, my feng shui is way off. You might of felt something, I know Yoda did.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Now I know what it was like when the first settlers finally reached Malibu after months of dragging their cricketedly-ass wagons full of all their crap through the smorgasbord of weather that we call the Great U.S. of A. Let's not get all wise and ask why I don't write this stuff down, because I just don't. Okay? But I just spent the last 15 minutes trying all sorts of combos of possible usernames and passwords trying to access my blog. I started to think it was another internet conspiracy. You know the one where Al Gore is at home, in full control of the whole internet, sitting on the couch in his tightie-whities sipping a Natty Lite, and snickering like the bastage his is (for all you A.G. fans, he's really not a bastage, just a typical politician, maybe St. Peter will still let him in, but I doubt it). And then it hit me. Yep, I'm dumb.

Anyhow, today was {spelled out} b-i-t-c-h-i-n, bitchin'!! No? Clear sky in L.A., not too hot, not too cold, everyone is at work, except for the 10M unemployed actor/singer/models, and I'm at the beach. Had breakfast at some cafe in Venice. Today was just too much, so I cooly and patiently waited to start snapping photos. Just like in college, when I used to tease and tempt the available women, until,'s 2 a.m., I can't see straight nor put together a sentence and I'm left at the party with a bunch of other cool losers, no women, and no ride home. But unlike then, today I'm a much more mature gentleman, so when the right moment hit, like in college when the cute, sexy, intelligent girl was at least making eye contact and kinda smiling at me, I grabbed up my camera, ripped off the lens cover and .....whoa, bitchnuts!?!? A huge "E" was laughing at me from the LCD screen. Translation: no memory card. I guess some things never change. How many times in college did I say "uh, hold on, I'll be right back." Only to return much too late for the cute, sexy, intelligent girl.

Still a day that makes up for all the misery that is Los Angeles.

Especially cool sidenote - drove up the coast, sheet glass at all breaks, and waves no bigger than my kneecap. This is especially cool b/c I don't surf.

"Hey, wait a minute." - S.S.

I just recalled the dude I chatted with at Zero's for about fifteen minutes, but actually, now that I think about it, I'm way too tired. Maybe tomorrow....

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


I just had 4 whole wheat waffles from Trader Joes, 1 multi-vitamin, and 1 glass of water (most likely in the neighborhood of 16 ozs.). I guess the 'goodness' hasn't kicked in yet, b/c I still feel like I did before my breakfast....

Today's menu includes errands, reading, photos, procrastination on the Information Superhighway, a nap is probably going to happen at some point, maybe a little excercise?

Things I should do today but almost definitely will not do: wax my car, catch up on overdue correspondences (why do today, what I can do tomorrow?), feed the hungy, shelter the homeless, work on improving my situation, or get a haircut.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Back from Beaver Creek

I love visiting places in the off season. They really should consider charging more. For my honeymoon, we went to Costa Rica at either the tail end or the very beginning of the rainy season. Did it rain. Every day as far as I can remember. But then I didn't go to Costa Rica to check out the sunny weather, I'm from SoCal damnit. Plus Costa Rica rain is not bad. Most of the time you're under this really thick jungle, so not much comes down. At least nothing my water-repellent jacket and a hat could't handle. I still wore shorts.

So, Beaver Creek in the off season. What was it like. Sort of like being in "The Shining" but the resort was closed for the summer. No one on the streets. First night we had to ask where an open restaurant was. Answer: The Dusty Boot. It was a bar, with bar food. And it was a glorious bar. We had beer, and split amonst the three of us a chicken quesadilla, breaded fish tacos, a cheeseburger and fries. Now tell me, what else do I need?

Our condo was plush, never could've afforded that. Thanks Ana and thanks Rich! We had 3 bedrooms, and 3 bathrooms. Again, we had 3 bedrooms, but we actually had 4 TV's? We had free coffee 24/7 in the lobby, which also served up some tasty red and green apples. Again, this was 24/7. My kinda place. This trip was great and I could keep babbling, but I won't, mainly b/c I need to go visit the 'office.' But I will leave you with this: I had a $50 glass of cognac (again, thanks Ana!!!), and I must say, "Yes, Please." I might prostitute myself in order to be able to afford such luxury in the future.

Of course, this pretty much sums it all up for me....

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Goin' Colorado...

....with an achin' in my heart. Lived my life with a woman wait, that's not entirely accurate. I do leave for a few days in Beaver Creek today at high noon, but the woman is actually quite kind. Come to think of it, she bought my plane ticket and has taken care of my food and lodging once I get there. What a nice lady. She's real purty too!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Say What?

This guy had a cheeseburger for dinner, and a shake too I believe. I ordered Ms. Meatloaf, which is made of Turkey as opposed to the manly, all-American beef originated, Mr. Meatloaf. I also had a vanilla shake, and a glass of Shiraz. So Ms. Meatloaf shows up, and it's a sandwhich? Now, I'm often late to catch up on cool ideas, but I've been a resident of this country for 35 years, and a meatloaf sandwich?? A turkey, meatloaf sandwhich, called Ms. Meatloaf? Whatever, it was good.

The point of my blog though is this. The guy, pictured here, TS had just driven down from the Bay Area and stopped in Kettleman City for lunch, and had ate at my all-time favorite fast food establishment, In-n-Out Burger. So what? Two burgers, one day. Of course, I used to get bullied into eating two Big Macs at a time when I was in college, but this seems different. Two burgers, never grill mates or pan buddies, went down the hatch and most likely, however distasteful this may sound, exited as one. Kind of like a sausage I suppose. From miles apart, to be squeezed out together. Interesting.

But here's where things get weird. TS is celebrating his 35th birthday the next day and has decided to quit smoking. A good decision I believe. So to help him, I take a couple of smokes out of his possession so he has fewer to smoke. I know ladies, how thoughtful, but I'm taken. Now my true genius, though rusty, but not dead, shines through....a photo! A photo of a man taking his last cigarette. Well, not really his last, but we're in Hollywood, so we can bullshit a little, right? So I light a smoke. TS lights a smoke. We line up our shot. Click! And it couldn't be better. Until I check out the pics the next day. The bastard hid his smoke! So now I have a pic of me and TS, and it looks like I'm the only one smoking. You don't believe me? Check it out....