Entry so good that no title is necessary

I saw "Thank You for Smoking" this past weekend. To me it wasn't so much a good look at the world of lobbying, but rather a satirical peek at bullshit in general. The movie definitely poked fun at the tobacco industry, but also takes subplot shots at alcohol, firearms, politics, Hollywood, education, journalism, and really any and everything. I think....not sure at all here as I haven't read anthing regarding the intended message, but I think it's sort of a "hey, chill out" peice. Certainly, it points out the dangers of dangerous activities, but also takes time to make some fun of the teetotalling other side. What really can we do that is not destructive?
--"All that lives is born to die."
Free coffee and cruellers on me to the first person who can email me where that quote came from.

Speaking of free, I still owe JV 25 push-ups from a weak-ass bet I made regarding Gwen Stefani's age.

Other movies I want to see right now (in no particular order):

1. Inside Man
2. V for Vendetta
3. Meeting People is Easy
   
4. No Way Home
   

Get the Troops out NOW!!!

I hope this is an idle threat

Liquid Email

Received this email from liquid today:

"You say you are drinking tea everyday – is this in addition to your normal dose of coffee?"

What the chingas is he talking about? Of course that's in addition to my normal dose of coffee. And for you spanish speaker/readers out there, sorry for the profanity. Ordinarily I try to keep this blog PG at it's worst, but when something really chaps my hide, I just gotta express myself.

Wouldn't Liquid Email be a cool name for an internet company? With a name like that we wouldn't even have to worry about a product or silly stuff like revenue, we could just ride on the crest of a beautiful stock frenzy wave. Too bad it's not 1996 anymore.....

....Not that there's anything wrong with it!

Okay, done deal, I'm not fucking with the ACLU. I found this little story about a religious group against homosexuals on Jon Armstrong's blog. Read A Response to Liberty and especially the ACLU 'stop being so mean' letter to the Exodus group. Lawyers are funny.

I actually met a homosexual once, and you know what? I didn't even realize it till later. At their worst, I find gay people to be......well, a bit different than me. At their best, I find them to be considerate and caring (except for non-lipstick lesbians; they're really mean). Since this is my blog, I can be as ridiculous as I want. They just tend to be a bit more human to me than the rest. Now of course if we start giving them equal protection under the law, over the next couple of decades they'll become just as bad as the rest of us.

And my fine for running a red light, with no human person within sight, anywhere, was $350. I'm sorry.....if you have children, please cover their eyes............Fuck California.

Rummy speaks the truth, again. What in God's name is going on over there? I don't even follow the media, outside of 30 mins. of NPR in the morning. But everytime I hear anything, more people have died, and things have gotten worse. All in the name of profit and religion. As I'm sure my old roomie Timmy M. might say, "now there' s a huge surprise."

And on the other hand, I also hear (via the NPR) that it's coming out that Saddam never thought we'd invade. Apparently he saw the US as a 'paper tiger.' Not taking a stance here, but what the motherF was he thinking? He is equally responsible for this mess. Fucking megalomaniacs, why are they always in charge?

Sunday, no bloodshed, Sunday

Maybe you think I'm weak, but I'm glad that I didn't witness any bloodshed today.

On the other hand, I did get more memory for my computer, walk around in some really, really comfortable-ass shoes, visit The Grove on a weekend (and thus see the ridiculae that is LA in full swing) to see "Thank You For Not Smoking," visit my favorite pub in Pasadena, take some less than ordinary photos, and obtain a brand new (to me) set of Pings-- huge thanks to Jeffrey L. Oster--and I can't wait to try those out. My poor old Sportsmart set of MacGregors have finally reached their retirement home. Now whether they rest there or continue on to the graveyard is up to someone else.

Polyphasic sleep is probably akin to the Ben Franklin method. I'm a pretty big fan of naps, I don't need to tell you that. My problem with naps is that they can be so good, so utterly good that I have a hard time coming back to reality from them.

Well, Chef certainly wasn't the coolest character on South Park, but I did like him. Too bad that the voice behind the character was in acutality a human, and thus fallible to human emotion. I love it when humans make decisions based on a emotional reaction and try to gerrymander their logic. So long Chef...........you were good, but, again, not that good.

Saturday Morning

Sadly, below is the first email in my inbox this morning:

Hows it hanging?
Sad and shrivled or ready to bang?
Even college guys can't get it up *every* time without some help.

Please make it stop. I won't get into whether or not I need [but this kid doesn't] to purchase fake erection-makers over the internet, but I'd really just like to stop receiving emails from these people, and the stock alerts, mortgage lender deals with multiple typos in their ads, etc. Junk email just sucks, can we all agree?

Despite this, I am enjoying some nice whole bean coffee from Fry's Electronics. Picked it up while (unknowingly) purchasing the wrong speed of memory for my computer. When I returned the memory for the correct speeed, they were out of what I needed. So for 2 trips to Burbank, from Los Angeles, I received a $4.99, 1 lb. bag of fresh roasted coffee. They call me a terrific bargain hunter, and they are right.

I don't know if it's the changing of the times, or something else, but the first couple of times I went to Fry's Electronics, I was able to find serious nerd help. These kids knew what they were talking about. Now on 4 or 5 trips to Fry's in Burbank, I have only once been helped by someone who had more knowledge than me. I'm not saying that the store isn't full of knowledgeable employees, not saying that all. It has just been my experience there, on only a few trips, to have my questions answered by some kid who looks to have only last week been a gangbanger. Or maybe that's just the look these days.

What happened?

Chamonix, dude.

Scott Adams.........rocking. Of course, I don't think that way. I'm sensitive. I believe that women are actually defective men. Men whose programming somehow got fucked up. Men that just don't quite get it: Food, fun, sex, sleep. Other than that it's all bullshiite.

But they are nice and soft, and good smelling. When I was a baby, from the information I can gather, I believe that I was good smelling too. Now I usually smell like coffee, musty clothing, or a fart. Although I prefer the smell of coffee, a fart is infinitely more fun. I've doused customers before with 'stealth bombs,' or at least I thought they were stealth; I guess it's not so obscure why I don't make business plan.

I've also accidentally 'had a problem' in my pants before. First time was kind of funny really. I was at a party in Wisconsin, I was more than buzzed, I went outside to pee as the bathrooms were all jam-packed, I let go with all my might, and when I felt the common piss-buddy fart coming, I let 'er rip............whoops......not a fart. Just took a dump in my pants. Great.

Just for today, be unafraid.

And that means you, Tovar, you slutty little bitch. Don't be afraid.

Fear is a funny thing. If I recall correctly, I experienced fear several times today.

1. When I first realized I was awake this morning, I feared that I was not a 17th century aristocrat, and that I might actually have to go to work today.
2. Upon walking into work, I feared that my workplace might in all actuality be a mental institution, and I just might be the psychiatrist who went crazy himself.
3. I feared today that I might not ever be allowed to see the baby I fathered with Britney Spears.
4. I was in Century City today, and feared that tall buildings, or objects from atop the tall buildings might fall down upon me. I know, I'm egocentric to the max.
5. I feared I might have to kick some ass today. Physically. What chew looking at?
6. I feared I might live my entire life, and then die.
7. I feared I might die and not do some things that are entirely within reach today.
8. If you're reading this, you're probably someone who owes me money, so please accept that I am afraid that you will not pay me. Prompt payments make me happy.
9. Most of all, I'm afraid that it will all end someday....
   

Might be time to read Brave New World again

ha ha, very funny motherf.....actually the funny thing is that this already exists to some extent. With computer storage and bandwidth ever cheapening, access to this type of data has become cheap as well. And it seems to be used in factoring future profitability. For example, credit card companies can already raise your interest level to the max if you miss a payment on a completely different card, but it's reported to the credit burueas. Not saying that all do, but that they can, and apparently some do.

Look at San Diego go! In a decade or so they might overtake Manhattan. But seriously folks, what in the wide world of sports is going on here. Manhattan, Chicago, Los Angeles, Boston, and a few other metros have the jobs, but this article points out that these are combined income households, middle management careers, and....no kids. Some people might be happy with that, and I'm not interested in a making a value judgement here, but rather have this feeling that most people don't want that type of life. What changed over the preceeding 40 years that to live comfortably both people must work?

Gas, Growth, and Damn, G!

From my sister, a site comparing local gas prices...

Global warming is always in the news, but probably not enough. Still, I'm curious why there isn't more talk about population growth?

I think I'm in need of a vacation. Not just a week off to relax at home, or take a trip, but rather a 3 month sabbatical. Off the top of my head, I could use three months at a beach house. Wake up everyday and make some coffee, check out the beach, walk around, sleep, make food, read, listen to music. Just chill the f* out. Know what I mean?

In college I lived in the garage of this house for $190/month:



Now I pay $1650 to live in an aparment in the middle of Concrete Jungle. Again, what the hail happened? Now I've traded the luxury of surfing for traffic. Last Sunday was host to the Los Angeles marathon, so this is obviously an extreme example. But.......it took me 50 minutes to get to my house from the exit off the 10 freeway at La Cienega Blvd. 50 minutes. It's 2 miles.

Sure my room flooded everytime it rained at the beach house. Sure we had no central heat, so in winter it was warmer outside than in my room. Sure I had to live with Lamby. All this, and more, I can accept. Now I've got heat and the water can't soak my bed, but I just might trade it in an instant if only the Allens would let me.

The Baby Who Would Be King

On a Monday, I'm tired like it's Friday. What the hail happened? I feel like I could use a little R&R; that's Rest and Relaxation. Rest, more in terms of mental rest. Rest from the constant b.s. that is my daily worklife. Relaxation in terms of resting from the constant b.s.

Tonight I was dog-tired when I pulled into my spot at home and it was starting to drizzle. Not sure why, but this just seemed like an ideal time to get into the apartment, disrobe, and just chill. That's when I realized I had 3 movies from Blockbuster that were sitting in my backseat, and to further cement the nagging thought that I needed to put the Civic in reverse: I remembered that we had no water in the house. This is a no-no in Los Angeles. I would rather lick the sweat off a dead possum's balls than drink tap water in LA.

So I did what I do in this situation - Rexall. Found my water......$2.99 for 2.5 gallons! Well, like Tim wisely once noted, 'everyday can't be roses.' Bought my water, and some shampoo, and of course a candy bar b/c the usual Rexall check-out person tomfoolery was in full swing. Really, they should stick desert property vouchers and trips to the moon at the check-out counter. Their most-likely unintended strategy of stranding would-be customers there for mini-eons just might start bringing in some serious cash. It's just a thought....

Big time hug needed indeed

I found this while strolling through kottke.org....harcore? or hard-on?

Top o' the mornin' to ya!

Welcome back. Last night we celebrated St. Patty's day by putting some green on, eating all things green, drinking Guinness and Murphy's all night, smearing mustard on corned beef and cabbage, and unfortunately not talking enough in an Irish accent. As for the Irish accent, I suspect that the accent is horrible, and in all reality not at all Irish sounding. Sort of like how everyone has the same pirate voice, and I really doubt any real pirates ever sounded like that.

The Varsano's came over with a pot of gold (corned beef, cabbage, onions, carrots, yummy) and a rambunctious 2 year old. I learned that he's not a "baby," but rather a "toddler." This distinction is very important to a man. My whole world is unfolding like a bloomin' onion from Outback Steakhouse now that I have this new info. At any rate, I realized a 2 year old isn't a baby, really. But does he toddle? I'm not sure what that is. Is he a little kid? No, not yet. I still can't tell him creepy things like "if you hold in your farts, you'll get cancer," and watch him slowly back away from me. He just stares back at me like I'm the one who speaks an unintelligible language. At any rate, little V got to jump on the couch, watch Madagascar, take a bath (take a bath?), eat a potato and eat some butter (but eat them separately), play with some cars, smear baby boogers all over my Ipod, kill a plant, and all in all bring many laughs to the party. He did this with a cool efficiency and when he was ready to leave, we were all made aware of that fact. I've never seen a 2 year old gather up his parent's belongings and start pulling all the gear toward the door. Amazing. This kid is going places.

The Mins brought a 12 pack of Guinness. I love you James and Susan. In fact, I love you so much, I might go drink the last one right now.....

Once again....not too sure.

Well, well, well....were are we now?

Progress
Denial
Laughter
Globalization
Regression
Bullshit
Love
Apathy.....

Anyhow you slice it, the fact still remains that 60% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Actually I stole that from an unknown genius (Tyler M.). It's a funny thing to say, especially if dry humor works really well with you and you enjoy watching the expression on other people's faces. And of course you have to be able to endure them thinking you're an idiot. It runs along the same lines as when {in Amadeus} Mozart tells Signore that his music was good b/c it even included signs telling people when to clap.

I knew it almost 20 years ago, and others have to have known it even longer. People today will deny it, and some who knew it then will snicker or deny....but Pink Floyd had it .....going ON!!

One exclamation point represents a...."hey, look over here." Three exclamation points is like, "hey, we're super extra excited" and you need to convince them. But two (2) exclamation points is reserved for the special, true, and 'I'm not fucking around' goodness. And if you don't believe me, just ask the Reggae man I met in my living room when I was 19. He'll tell you.

By the way, what the hell was he doing in my living room!? (one exclamation point only here)

My Morning Commute

I'm a creature of habit. I wake up everyday, take a shower, get dressed, put some coffee in a travel mug and leave for work. In the bathroom, I put shampoo in my hair, wash my body, rinse the shampoo out of my hair, and then wash my face. In front the on the mirror, I put in my contacts, comb my hair, shave, put on deodorant, brush my teeth, and apply a little gel to my hair. The order is always the same.

In my closet, I try to keep all my clothing going the same way on the hangers. And I rotate my six suits evenly. Every morning I select a suit, then a shirt, then a tie, and then the belt/shoe combo. Then I leave for work, bag and coffee in hand.

Every morning I stress a little about red lights, idiot drivers, and other little trivial annoyances. My commute is never any longer or any shorter as a result of these things happening or not happening. Some mornings I might drive a tad faster, make every light, and I think this will make a difference. It might shave 5 minutes off my 35 minute drive.

I do hate stop and go driving, but accepting that, I for some unknown reason enjoy driving to work with my coffee and listening to the radio. My presets (which is what I listen to 99.7% of the time in the morning) go like this:

1. 93.1 Jack FM - somewhat new station, no DJ's which can be nice, idiotic station identification, seemlingly random selection of pop music from 80's on up.
2. 95.5 KLOS - I can't really listen to Mark and Bryan, not sure why, just can't...
3. 106.7 KROQ - Kevin and Bean are not funny. They seem to cow-tow to a group of teenagers.
4. 103.1 Indie - Radio stays here mostly. Dickey is pretty good, I like Chuck, and they play more, and definitely better music.
5. 101 K-Earth - If you don't like oldies, then you just plain don't get it. Sorry.
6. 89.9 NPR - Gotta have it for the least lopsided news. Nic Harcourt at 9 am is the best around for picking good music to play.

So that's pretty much it. I am a robot who likes coffee and driving through street traffic-infested Los Angeles in a suit and tie to job that pays me slightly better than a good waiter. Best part, I'm okay with that.

I just might have to agree...

What is the deal with Actors, Directors, Photographers, Politicians, and I guess really most people who are either at the top of their circle or have merely just marketed themselves to appear so? Why do they really believe they're so good? For me, it's tough to claim anything ever since I read a really good book (i.e. Great Expectations) , or heard some clearly above-the-norm music, or even just met some very brilliant people who do not take themselves so seriously. [found on Slate.com]

Just like in cartoons

I love this, even if it's not on the up-and-up....I just love the idea that some team of nerds put time into figuring out how to make this work.

Step right up and win some...

Today I won a travel mug during a work presentation by answering a question. It's actually a pretty decent mug, else I would have just stayed quiet.

Opening the mug to wash it out so I could use it tomorrow, I found the following care instructions.

• Please wash all parts in warm soapy water before using [sensible enough advice]
• Do not exceed the product capacity with liquids [i think it's actually impossible by virtue of definition to exceed capacity]
• Always be certain the lid is secured before drinking [this suggestion is just about as warm as apple pie]
• Hot drinks may scald the user [okay, thank you, but i'm not as dumb as i look]
• Keep out of children's reach when filled with hot liquid to avoid scalding [i said....]
• Do not put container in microwave [right. metal in microwave = bad]
• Hand wash only [this is a actually good b/c if i had a dishwashwer, i would try to put it in it]
• Dishwasher may damage product or lid seal [not if i follow your previous rule it won't]
• CAUTION - hot liquid will increase temperature of exterior wall [well, now you've cracked the case.........]

All in all, I'm still happy about my prize. I guess Life isn't so hard after all.

One difference between Men and Women

{It's not camera shake, it's Margarita vision}

If, hypothetically, a window is covered by something, say like, blinds and said blinds are doing a great job of providing not only the required privcacy, but also the designed amount of light-entry control, Men are good with this situation. Women on the other hand.....

But that isn't even the difference I set out to convey. It's better than that. Let's say you put something up and don't like it and take it down and then have nothing to put back up? What then? For Men, a sheet is a perfectly good, temporary window covering. For Women? Unacceptable. Why? I'm not sure.....

My Baloney has a first name, it's OSCAR

Quick post-Oscar notes:

1. Did George Clooney try to retaliate for a Jon Stewart joke on how much money everyone in attendance makes by saying that they bring the issues to the forefront? I believe he did. Something like...."we talked about AIDS when it was a whisper, and Civil Rights when no one wanted to talk about it." That really shouldn't be in quotes b/c I'm sure it's misquoted, but correct me if I'm wrong, but the Civil Rights movement seemd to be some 40 years ago. Anyhow, I still like George, but I was disappointed to see that he's just one of the gang and can't get over himself.

2. In Memoriam made no reference to Don Knotts passing. Excuse me for one brief second while I compose myself...................WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! Don Knotts. Say what you want, he's been in films and television longer than most people have been alive.

3. What happened to Brokeback Mountain? Although Best Director has to be one of the bigger awards of the evening, and they were nominated for seemingly every category, they didn't win nothin'. And......the gay jokes were a little tiring. You could see them coming a mile away and then they just weren't that good.

4. Reese Witherspoon had the best acceptance speech. Second runner up was the director from "Tsotsi." I loved that guy's accent.

Needs v. Wants

Some wants:

1. more computer memory
   
2. laptop
3. wireless network for the house
4. how about a house to go with the wireless network?
5. a backpack
6. some new sunglasses
7. more ambition
8. less gut
9. better clothing for work and casual
10. more money, less time spent working

Some needs:

1. food (have)
2. shelter (have)
3. love(have)
4. good times with friends and family(have)
5. penis that knows what it's doing(working on that)
6. dog(can't have one here, so that will come with the house)
7. kids(if the wife says we have to, then i guess so).....kidding.
   

South Park

My first episode of South Park was over 5 years ago. I don't watch too often anymore, but recently I've caught a few gems, and this was in one of them.

This is also why I support Sharkle over those other, but just not-as-good video sharing communities. Afterall, Sharkle brought me Extreme Gene. What did YouTube do? Nothing, really.

Shop Till You Drop

Yeah, what (s)he said......
How do you like the Political Correctness?

From the same site, pretty funny but what I really love is the music. Sorry JB, I found this on that weaker site...

I got 10/10

I know. You don't believe me. You remember me from 8th grade Math. But guess what? I don't care. Sure I guessed on one or two. Fact still stands shining alone and valiant: I got 10 out of 10.

http://www.blogthings.com/couldyoupasseighthgrademathquiz/

What Bubble?

Not that all bubbles necessarily burst, but come on now. My short story on this is that we're entering a new era of some smart rich folks slowly draining away everyone's cash. If person A never actually ends up buying his home, or forever leases a car that is too expensive for him/her to buy, what happens I think is that he/she never actually accumulates any money. Not that wealth accumulation is the goal, but enjoying life and saving along the way allows for the 'golden years' to be a little more enjoyable. I just hope we all get that chance.

Welcome to Eternity

I just listened to a blurb on NPR in which this guy thinks it's not out of the question that scientists are able to not only drastically slow the aging process, but......possibly even halt it?? That's kind of spooky. What happens when no one is dying, and yet everyone is still screwing (or at least procreating)? Or how about when our Sun starts to die, and cool, and shrink, to then only expand and overtake Earth's orbit? What then, Mr. Smarty?

Pre-retirement Planning

I finally shined my shoes last night, so I feel pretty good about that. A little disappointed that no one said anything nice to me today regarding my freshly-shined shoes, but other than that, feelin' purty good.

It's Wednesday, so I'm more than 50% done with my week, but how close am I to retiring? And when I reach retirement, there's actually no way I'm going to just wake up everyday and grandpa around for the rest of my days. Unless of course I'm so stinkin' rich that I can smoke Cubans while playing $300 rounds of golf with my friends, and stuff like that. In all liklihood, I'll work in retirement to keep the boredom at bay. How come I can't do that now? Why do I do what I do? Hmmm.......

Peppy Teens...