Who Wants Some?

One of the more interesting, unique, loving, bewildering banshees I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and sharing a living room with for 9 months.

SP - you're one of the best.

Iran

Ahmandinejad, kind of a buzz kill, don't you think? The guy has to be smart, right? He's the leader of an entire nation. I'm not claiming he'll do well in Trivial Pursuit or can survive in the wilderness without provisions, but he just has to be at the very least a "B" student. Can we agree on this? Even if we can't, just for argument sake, can you give me this one?

And then we get this: Ahmadinejad announced the conference would set up a "fact-finding commission" to determine whether the Holocaust happened or not. The commission will "help end a 60-year-old dispute," he said.

So, given this type of statement, we don't have too many options.

a.) He believes this to be true.
b.) He does not believe this to be true, but is using this to further his international/political drama.

Can there be other options? If so, please comment

Until then:

If a.) Wow. I'm stunned that you're this dumb;
If b.) Then, well, Fuck you.

Additionally, how do you solve this mystery? How would one, or say everyone go about uncovering the chilling truth to this 60+ year old caper? Now I'm starting to get excited. It's like when I used to watch an hour long episode of 'The A Team' only to be broadsided in my deepest moment of curiosity and pure enjoyment with "To Be Continued."

"To Be Continued!!!!!!!!!?" What the!!! mother f'n, sonofa, shiiiiiiiiiiiitttt!!!!," my eight year old throat would bellow. You can't just suck me in like this and then expect me to wait a whole week to finally be soothed back into normalcy with what portends to be yet another deliciously clever ending. I want gratification NOW!

Anyhow, deep breathes, breathe in, breathe out. I'm okay. But what is Iran really about? Why is this Israel/Palestine issue so important? Discover all you want, maybe only 1 Jew died from a staph infection and everybody conspired to brew this into the "Holocaust." Okay, what now?

Dear Israel,

We found out the truth. Please move.

Thank you,

Iran

How about this. Let's have some fun and assume the completely farcical, and totally impossible: the Israelis leave Israel. Huh? Pretty nice, eh Iran? So, for the second time in one post - what now? The Palestinians still can't feed themselves. And for that matter, get the world off their addiction to oil, and neither can you.

Tree Decorating

As generous as it may seem, lending a helping hand when needed is just my simple philosophy for L-I-V-I-N.

Taught to me by Triscuit

Did you know that 9 out of 10 Americans don't get the recommended servings of whole grain?*

No, I didn't know it either. Nabisco has kindly put up a site where one can learn about the benefits of whole grains and other sensible snacking options.' Do I even need to mention how important this site is? Or you could just keep on going down the path of senseless snacking. Your choice.

*From U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.

Holiday Season 2006 Plan of Attack

• Get all gifts bought and wrapped by Dec. 10
• Get tree and decorate by Dec.........1? Whoa guy!! That's right, we're going past aggressive this year.
• Enjoy the holiday magic and madness. In the past I've always been swept up by the madness and completely missed the magic. Not this year, buddy.
• Although I have many fine commenters here at Clipstone Street, there certainly is not enough money in the till to buy you 3 gifts, but just know that you are loved more than you think by the entire staff here.
• Actually resist total self annihilation via indulging in sloth-like behavior.
• What else? Any good ideas?
  

My Politics

Because it's 9:29 pm, and to those of you who don't really know me, this is too close for comfort to my bedtime. Also, my tea is actually cooled to room temperature, I'd rather be reading, I haven't shined my shoes in weeks, my room is a mess, I haven't sent a thank you card to my grandma for her as always on time birthday card (from 9/23), and only God knows how many other things are pressing down upon me.....this is why I must get out my Politics. Now.

Surely we all know this will be sloppy, lazy, canned, cliched and served frozen on a no-name toothpick.

So....my Politics:

I don't like rich liars
I don't trust rich Socialists.
I get worried if a person with a lot of power is going to consult a numerologist, astrologer, or for that matter anyone/thing/idea that is too specific.
In the end I think it all evens out, e.g. Ken Lay is dead and countless anonymous people put in daily and by the minute, even second, more heart/soul/blood/sweat & tears than they will ever withdraw. Where am I? You tell me.
People in ivory towers are good for ideas, but horrible for reality.
Che Guevarra started well, and then ended up ordering death and murder.
I don't think Jesus would back even half of what his followers preach. Wait a gosh-darn second! Is that politics? It's all politics, si o no?

I picked up Al Franken's "Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them." I'll start it soon enough, after I'm done with AHWOSG, and possibly a few others that have stalled in the 2nd lane. And then we'll really get to talkin' bout politics. Funny thing about politics is that people get so hooped up on their party and their party's line, that they can't see through their own smoke. Well, I guess that goes for all of us solipsists.....

Coffee, Eggs, Cheese

This morning I got waited upon by a pregnant, lazy waitress. She's sort of engaging, but then backs off at precisely that moment when you think she wants to interact, and then you feel even more stupid. Anyhow, I hope that baby runs her ragged.

p.s. I'm done with "Homicide Special," and have moved on to "A Heatbreaking Work of Staggering Genius," by Dave Eggers. So far I'm sucked in to the core, and it's hot in here.

Computer Wars

So my Mom wants to get a new computer. She's not really computer literate, but I think 'point and click' makes it pretty easy for anyone to pick it up....if they want to. I can get deals on certain big name PC's, so I told her to give me her budget and I'd get her what she needs. For her, the prospect of buying a computer is beyond daunting, it's acutally a fraction short of impossible. She still doesn't totally comprehend the idea that all PC's are basically the same, and what you're buying is a brand, or a feeling of comfort, or the idea that you got a better price, or paid more for better Customer Service, or something along those lines.

Stepping back a few weeks, we just upgraded our Ipod mini to a full 30 GB Ipod. How did that happen you ask? What was wrong with the mini? Well, friend, I won't disparage my mini is this post (though there were a few non-size issues), but I will let you know this: if you don't want to spend money on Apple "stuff," then don't walk into the Apple store because you have 30 minutes to kill before your movie starts.

Don't. Just don't do it.

We did.

And we walked out with a brand new, sucka-sweet lil' electronic/video/photo music playing machine. What's this have to do with the computer my mom thinks she wants? Well, if you'd pipe down a second, I'd tell you.

Whilst casually strolling the Apple store, it's just not legitimate to think that you won't tinker with the computers. I mean, iff you're in there, and you're not at least pretending that you know what you're clicking on, then......well, what the 'f' are you doing in there!? And so, I must admit that I do like the 'experience.' Do they run faster or better or have less issues than PC's? I don't know. My PC can run Photoshop, iTunes, Dreamweaver, and Bejeweled all at the same time without a hiccup. But I will admit, I like the way Apples seem to run.

So I'm starting to think that maybe my mom would do well with an iBook. What do you think? Here's how I break down the basic differences, keeping in mind that my mom really only needs to surf the net, send email, and check out her digital photos:

PC advantage: bigger screen, less money
Apple advantage: just really cool looking

So, the pragmatist in me is screaming "how can you go with 'more expensive' because it's really cool looking!!?'" But the materialist in me is calmly negotiating that you only go around once, and it's only slightly more expensive, and who knows, maybe she totally gets into media related fun, and then Apple has the edge of just making that easier. My mom is not about to take the time to learn computers.

Unrelated to my mom and her impending purchase, and shifting the focus back to where is usually should be - on me - I'd have to say (again, just for me) if money weren't an issue, I'd go Apple. Alas, money is an issue, so I go PC and I think my machine works better than fine.

Rumy's Gone

Terrapin - I can't figure out
Terrapin - if it's an end or the beginning
Terrapin - but the train's got its brakes on and the whistle is screaming...

How quickly the tide comes and goes. The Decider didn't take long to release Don. I heard several soundbytes (sp?) of people claiming that he should have resigned long ago. Of course, I believe he did try to resign twice before. Not that I'm a fan of DR, but witchhunts of figureheads usually miss the mark.

Wait a minute! This isn't a politico-blog, damnit! But before we move on, I would like to say that the writers here at Clipstone Street are pleased to see that the PEOPLE have acted upon their dissatisfaction, and that it seems that they did vote for change. Change can be good. Once, I changed my underpants....and it felt glorious!!

Books and Movies

So I finished reading The Kite Runner. If I were some slacker/movie-reviewer, or writing a snippet for a book jacket, I might call it "gripping and compelling." But I'm not, so let me just tell you it's a great, great story. And I loved it.

Now I'm reading Homicide Special, and while it's interesting while being gripping but maybe not compelling, I'm ready to be done with it and move on to something better. I really want to read Dry and Running With Scissors, both by Augusten Burroughs. Saw the movie RWS, and while most people seem to have been annoyed by it, I liked it. Of course, any movie with a decent soundtrack will always garner at least a B from this guy. Like in High School, I received many a "B" when I probably deserved less. Scratch that last statement, the acting was good, the characters were whacked, and I had a great time watching it.

Last weekend we saw Flags of our Fathers, and that was pretty good too. I read Flyboys recently, and that book was an eye-opener. I'm going to leave it at that.

quick food update: The night I wrote this, we had turkey tacos, and they were the chingon, pelon!! And now I'm working on finishing up the homemade enchiladas. Que bueno.

Gotta Get the Info

I didn't know Bob Hoskins was in Pink Floyd's The Wall. Why doesn't anyone tell me these things!?

My Food Habits: An Introduction

Last night's dinner: A turkey burger with cheddar cheese, bbq sauce, dijon mustard, and Tapatio. Oh, almost forgot the side dish of homemade potato salad...mmmmmm, good!

Today's lunch: A turkey sandwich on wheat bread toasted in the oven with cheddar cheese, and then lovingly adorned with dijon mustard and Tapatio. Fantastico!

Both meals were devoured in my apartment with the always trusty glass of water. Simple ingredients just seem to satisfy me. I think I could spend the rest of my days with bread or tortilla, beans, rice, hot sauce, and cheese.

Yes, I did have a couple of Halloween candies that my sister left, but let's focus on the positive. Or if you want to dabble in the negative, I have a temporary crown on the upper right side of my jaw, and I still couldn't resist popping a few Milk Duds into my mouth. I chewed them up using only the left side of my jaw, but that's where my permanent crown from 3 years ago is sitting.

Question: how many Milk Duds do you think it would take to finally pull a permanent crown out of someone's jaw?

Untitled, for now

One of my grandmothers is 86, or maybe 87 years old. Her one and only husband, the guy who married her as a young girl and stayed by her side their entire lives passed away from Parkinson's disease about 5 years ago. She has lived alone in their apartment ever since. Of course I say alone, but this 86, or 87 year old woman has more energy, and a more full social calendar than most people a third her age. I'm not joking, she never stops. Go, go, go. I've never heard her say she didn't want to go somewhere, no matter how far the drive, and I've never heard of her being sick or otherwise incapable of providing entirely for herself. She never asks for help.

Tonight I picked her up from the Cedar Sinai Cancer Center's outpatient infusion ward. She's gone through her second round of chemotherapy, and now spends hours almost everyday either getting more chemo, or like today, getting a "hydration." Apparently the hydration procedure puts water into the body - over a period of 4 hoours - to replace that which the chemo has burned out. So she sits in a chair with an IV attached to her arm, and the liquid slowly works it's way into her body. And, she's not the only one sitting there, certainly doesn't look the oldest, and is guaranteed to not be the youngest. Whatever it really does, it makes my grandmother feel better. But even at her best, and despite the odd fact that she looks the same to me, she is moving a whole lot slower. Some days her spirits are so low, I'm not really sure what to say to her. Tonight she was her old self again, motoring through topics of conversation like a reporter on speed.

"All my possessions for a moment of time."
Queen Elizabeth I

Clutter

I cannot keep up with all the junk; it just keeps coming. My mailbox is full of junk mail and duplicate catalogs everyday - and so is my email. Work sends me home with armloads of training manuals and other propaganda, and it usually just sits in a certain spot, only to be moved to another spot, and finally someday placed in the recycle bin. As I look around this room, I see all kinds of clutter that never gets used. It just sits there, lonely, listening to the crickets outside my window.

Maybe I'll clean it up tomorrow...

Maybe, and then again....maybe not.

I just took an annual Health Risk Assessment quiz on my medical insurance's website ( I get a $50 credit for doing so), and I came across a question that caused me to double-take:

Have you had a sigmoidoscopy within the last 5 years (tube inserted in rectum to check for lower intestinal problems)?

I read it, answered, and then had to read it again. The answers for this particular question were: a.) Yes, b.) No, and c.) Don't Know. Uh....don't know? That's really an option? I'd love to meet some of the respondents from group C. "So, you're not sure if you had a tube inserted into your ass in the last five years, eh?

Well....what now?

Some quick updates, as I've been lagging....

• I came to a 4 way stop almost at the same time with another vehicle on 10/12/06. As a tie, I waved the other car through the intersection. Then I proceeded, and the car behind the car I waved through, rammed me from the right side.
• Close to mid-term elections, the White House and the Iraqi gov't have somehow been able to at least publicize vague notions of a timetable for an American troop withdrawal from Iraq. Coincidence?
• Stock Market continues to defy all notions of sanity. I think Q1 2007 is a brand new story.
• Finished reading "Flyboys," and I am now reading " The Kite Runner."

One Day, A While Back...

...I found myself down in Venice Beach, on a school day, during school hours, with 3 friends. We made our way to the boardwalk, as seniors, not in charge of a phantom entitlement, but a self-indulged right to our time.

I was 17 then, so I don't recall too many of the details. I do remember the car that took us there; I do remember that Venice was almost entirely empty; and I do remember meeting a guy who wanted to sing to us for tips - I suppose.

The first, and only, song this guy sang to us on his broken down guitar.....escaped me for a few bars. It seemed familiar, and yet I just couldn't put my finger to it. And then I got it! Though still innocent to it's lyrics, it was a Bob Dylan. And then, out of my delirium, clearly it was that classic about homelessness.

Here was this this guy, apparently down on his luck on a relatively warm southern California winter's day in Venice Beach, singing to a few middle-class boys from Woodland Hills about the perils of being.....well, down on your luck.

Why did it have to be that song? Why not something romantic and gentle? I remember realizing what he was singing about, and then having to leave the scene immediately. And then I remember being out on Santa Monica Pier, and then I remember being back home, in a bean bag in my room, wondering why I was so happy and content from this day?

Trust me, it wasn't from the song. That song has stuck with me for almost 20 years....

Spermbank

From the comments section of a few posts ago, asking about ethically dubious acts, an anonymous person added the simple, and yet ardent one word response: "spermbank."

It goes without saying that the word is just funny. Ha ha, giggle, giggle. But let's put down our firecrackers and not superglue our friends hand to his crotch while he's sleeping. Is a spermbank an ethically dubious place to get money? I never really thought about going to one at all, much less to get money, and then how often?? Good questions that never crossed my mind.

How much does a spermbank pay anyway?

Also, I just found out by Googling 'spermbank,' that it's two words. Sperm bank. I like my way better though...

I did find Sperm Bank of California, but did not find Sperm Bank of America, nor Balls Fargo, or Washington Manual.

My Golf Swing

I come from the outside in, taking a divot that moves towards me and produces a ball flight that moves from left to right, or 'fades' at best, and in full panic perfectly demonstrates a 'slice.' And as well as I have mastered the English language (through the Junior High level), I have never really understood what it meant when golf instructors said that someone's hands were outpacing their swing, or more importantly the clubhead.

But last week it hit me, as squarely as that time a bird diarrhea'd on my head. And it was immediately so simple! Alas, I was not in a position to test out my new understanding as I was meditating in the lavatory.....but I will get out there soon. And then we'll see who's Tiger, and who's not.

iTunes

It's Saturday night, and the wife is out of town, boogying to the sounds of electric love at her cousin's wedding somewhere down the peninsula from San francisco. And so I'm sitting here savoring the bliss of my devirginization of downloading music from iTunes. On my last birthday, one of the sisters gave me a gift card to iTunes, and I'm just getting around to using it. Within minutes.........I'm addicted, and so I must say - what a great gift.

So far I've downloaded The B-52's first album, The Best of the Talking Heads, and Beck's Mellow Gold. I wish iTunes was free. Or maybe I don't, now that I think about it. I might never leave the computer. And of course I probably don't need to mention that I have downloaded music before, and come to think of it, the process may have swerved wide of any cash transaction, and that never led to any sort of addiction. So, whatever.

In other news, I was in an accident on Thurs. afternoon and the woman who broadsided me is claiming that it wasn't her fault b/c it was her turn to proceed through the four-way stop. When I asked her how it was possible that it was her turn when I arrived perpendicular to her lane of traffic at the same time as the car in front of her, she reiterated that it was her turn to go. Yep, I can smell the cool times ahead, can't you?

Update - just purchased Orlando 'Cachaito' Lopez' phenonemonal album, aptly titled "Cachaito," so now I only have $9.21 left at iTunes. On a brighter note, Steve Jobs can still buy anything in the world that his little heart desires. I heart Steve.