Fucking Crackpod

Scotty just added Sitemeter to his blog, which despite being better, just started. And he's averaging 13 visitors per day, and I've only got 8 or so (6 of which I believe is actually Scott). Damnit!!!

A New Grip, Part I

Quote of the week:

"The supply of women was endless. It was like heaven turned on its tap and said, 'Take whatever you need.'"
--Gene Simmons, on being a rock star.

Is "Rock Star" one-word as the Red Bull-like drink would have us believe? Rockstar? Hmmmm, not sure. Maybe "one-word" should be oneword? Maybe.

Where the heck have I been? Well I played golf on Monday, so of course there was no blogging that day. I haven't really been playing in the last year, so 18 holes is actually tiring. And despite the fatigue, it was a gruesome day anyways. I shot quite a bit over par. I did putt the least out of our foursome though, so that was kinda nice. 33 putts. Not ballbusting, but not too shabby either.

Hole 16 was a 135 yard par 3 elevated about 35 yards or so above the green. A more than slight wind, but not quite a stiff wind was at our backs. The group decided this was an 8 iron, but I knew it was a 9 for me. Not that I'm a bigger hitter, but the yardage, with the drop in elevation was an easy choice. One of the players tried to talk me into believing that the wind from behind was forming a funnel that would keep the ball up. He was a much better golfer than me, so I almost fell for it.

So the first hitter knocks it straight at the pin. Dead on......just 15 yards beyond it. Now my 9 iron is looking good, right up until I don't quite get my club face closed and shank my shot 35 yards to the right of the green. Pin high, I will add. Another player tosses me a ball and asks me if I mind if he tries something with my swing. If it helps my game, I'm all for it. So he re-adjusts my grip, and begs me to do just one thing with the club. Although this feels so utterly awkward, I give it a shot. My ball divots the green no more than 5 feet from the pin. Fucking A. Looks like I still have a shot at the Senior's tour.

Say what?, Uh okay?, and huh?

This guy really likes women's breasts, and while I can't say I blame him, it does seem a little odd that he's this infatuated.

Well, obviously we all had an inkling this one was true, but I'd like to turn your attention to the larger importance of these results:

"The finding, published in the recent issue of the journal NeuroImage, could help researchers learn more about sex-related differences in anxiety, autism, depression, irritable bowel syndrome, phobias and post-traumatic stress disorder."

And finally, with a much needed sigh of relief.....

PB & J

Can I be honest with you? Possum Butt and Jelly sandwiches just don't sound appetizing to me. They actually sound kind of disgusting and cause my stomach to attempt to defy gravity by escaping the confines of my body via my throat passage. We had a dead possum under out apartment about 2 years ago. Once the rodent died, it was unmistakable, except to my landlord who tried to pretend like she couldn't smell anything. Let's make no mistake about it though: it was f'ing nasty. The smell permeated the entire apartment, and there was no place the smell couldn't find you.

So this guy comes out to investigate. He arrives in a white van, he's wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and an Angels cap. He's got a drawl that I just can't quite place. It's not southern, it was more of an accent that may have been acquired through an exposure to dangerous gas fumes for entirely too long, or something I know not what. Anyhow, great guy. For $100 he crawled under our apartment building in a crawlspace about 24" tall, on top of wet dirt, and through an apparent infestation of fleas. Lucky for him, the possum died on the opposite side of the apartment from the only entrance to the underbelly, so he got the full tour.

So he's down there about 45 minutes and finally comes back out. And you know me, I'm excited.

Me: "Did you get it!!"
Him: "No, it was too big and smelly, so I have to go back in with my pincher tool."
Me: {thinking that I'd want to cry if I were him} "Uh, okay. I'll just wait here."

30 minutes later our hero emerged victoriously with the beast. Unreal. I can't believe what some people do for money.

Flash forward to last Friday, and my landlord leaves me a message on my cell phone asking if I smelled anything funny in the apartment. But I'm in Charlotte, NC, so....no, I don't. Little did I know, the smell was 10x worse upstairs and the girl who lives there, and doesn't really know us, is thinking that Gina has finally had enough of my b.s. and has killed me.

So yesterday another truck pulls up. This time it's a professional company, and there are 2 guys. Both guys actually go back under the apartment and extract yet another dead possum. So here are a couple of pics I took of the smelly animal that died in the nest under my bathtub that had been vacated by a previous dead possum.

One of the guys taking a look:


The trouble maker:


Welcome to possum country....

Coffee and Cruellers, Part Deux

Where was this picture taken? Why does Random look like he's just swallowed everyone's share of Acid? Why is the guy on the left wearing a hat over a bandana? And why isn't Dana making those dudes some food? Seriously though, where was this pic taken? Also, for the C & C Round 1 winners, please arrange to collect your winnings soon, as there is an aging statute of limitations on your prize.

So yesterday was to be the first day of my new Health and Fitness focus for 2006. I opted to split a bottle of wine with my wife as 'why do today what I can always do tomorrow?' Today was and absolutely perfect day for a quick run.........over to Benito's for a chicken burrito and 3 rolled tacos with quacamole and cheese. So I did that and watched the Soprano's episode that I missed last night. Vito is not in a good place right now, even though he appears to be wandering around heaven on Earth. We'll see.

Brokeback Bryan

So I'm going to break my rule about connecting my pics to my posts. You happy? This is Brokeback Bryan, a name my wife gave me. Nothing lower than being called "Brokeback Bryan" by your wife. Nothing. I've been called all kinds of names since the 1st or 2nd grade, and none of them cut deeper than this. And just so you know, so we don't have to answer questions on this later, I did finally see Brokeback Mountain last night. Watched it with my right hand in my pants and my left hand clutching my Turning Leaf Chardonnay. Nothing says "cowboy" quite like Chardonnay. Nothing.

My Saturday in Charlotte, NC

We visited both the house and the property my in-law's bought today. I don't think we really covered all that much mileage, but it seems that we've driven all over this state. Their house is about 15 minutes from downtown (which everyone calls "uptown") Charlotte, in a nice, quiet and well-mannered neighborhood. We met the owners of the home as they let us in to check out the new purchase. Very nice couple, been in NC for 23 years, originally from Key West, and though everything about their home and their demeanor was quaint and so-so-so friendly, there was a glass enclosed gun rack in the living room that housed at least 6 rifles and several knives. Nice people though...........just don't piss them off I suppose.

On to Ernest. Ernest is 80. He was born on the property that he is selling to my wife's family. He was a dairy farmer, incessantly has little anecdotes that he relates (and interestingly enough, these stories are actually interesting), had us sit down upon entering his living room to watch a video-taped song which he told us was gospel but more seemed to just be some Christian country music, had several Bibles around the home, and was wearing a red Pfizer cap.

After this, I had my first experience in Wal-Mart. Wow. I'll write more about Wal-Mart later if I feel sufficiently motivated.

Quick Charlotte Update

Yesteday we had lunch at this diner named "Penguin." We had a round of fried pickles and french fries made from sweet potatoes and a couple of beers, then had my cheesburger 'southern style (mustard and chili), and chased it with a corn dog. Too bad I wasn't with anyone who smoked, I really coulda used a nice square to top off the meal.

Penthouse Forum taught me the joys of reading

I've started reading, "The Smartest Guys in the Room," a book about the rise and fall of Enron. Just so you know where I'm at, I'm on page 60 and the book has just under 450 pages, so I've got quite a way to go. But so far, the authors keep introducing characters as these exceedingly brilliant people, who also happen to be very greedy, self-absorbed, back-stabbing egomaniacs. Everyone seems to somehow be connected to an Ivy league MBA program, so I'm sure they're smart; I'm just not seeing why these people are supposedly so brilliant. Small case in point, when I transferred to UCSD, no joke, most people I met could do Rubik's cube. I was impressed.

Last year I read, "When Genius Failed." Now these guys really did seem very f'ing smart. And even though they almost crashed the nation's, if not the world's economy, they were not assholes. They were driven, and demanding - and though I do not have firsthand knowledge of any of these people, they are merely characters in a book - they just didn't seem to be such crappy people.

Anyhow, maybe I'll keep the blog posted about the TSGitR. Everyone is aware of Enron's ultimate fate, and what happened to the numerous employees who were just normal, good people that lost everything. But what I was not aware of was how much of it was a scam, and it seems not just an acounting scam to manipulate Wall Street perception, but something more sinister, and definitely something these people did for years.

We'll see......I'm actually getting pretty bored with the book. And of course I'm still slugging my way through Blink [Liquid - I'm about halfway through, and it's getting a little better, but it still won't make my "Recommended List."].

A Co-worker

So I got to thinking: why don't my pictures and entries have anything to do with each other? But, forget it, I like it better when they are separate entities. And don't go trying to find connections, because they don't exist. Okay, Mulder?

Well, Easter is just around the corner, so I figured I'd do what any self-respecting Easter-lover would do: I'm going East. How far? Charlotte, NC to be exact. Why? When's the last time you had your short-term memory checked. For Easter, damnit! I love chocolate, I love holidays, I love pastels, I love argyle, and I love Bartle and James. Please note that the B & J seal on the CIQ (cooler in question) has been cracked, so I couldn't take this into certain events. So I'm currently consuming it. In college, my friend S.S. used to recreationally smoke Mary Jane, and then he'd go steal wine coolers from this really great surfer from Kauai (who for some unknown reason didn't like beer), and he'd call wine coolers, "Golden Water." I don't really want to be exclusionary here, but only a stoner would call a wine cooler "Golden Water."

Sometimes it's not always clear

"Well, which is it? Is he gonna shit, or is he gonna kill us?"
-- J. Spicoli

I talked to Liquid today, that champion of balance and harmony, my mentor in living a better life, the one who brought me from the dark side and allowed me a glimpse. He also was the first person who actually got me to start drinking tea regularly. So I talked to him today, and he told me he was back drinking cofffee. I don't think it's permanent with him, but I'm the uninitiated, so my discipline is low, and I found myself grabbing my car keys and heading over to the Coffee Bean for some caffeine (without even hanging up the phone). Another lesson from the Cosmic joker....

What's next? Only the wind knows, but he is blogging...

We all know the pictures don't go with the entries, right?

Just thought I'd mention that in case you's were scrathin' your noggins wondering what in the wide world of sports was going on.

Found this guy's blog today, and though it's primarily an investment blog, he puts a bunch of good links into it.

JV asked the other day whether or not the United Nation of Weasemachine thought that GW would go down in history as a worse president that Nixon. And Bush seems to be consistently lowering his approval rating. But if he gets out of office with the economy doing okay, I think he gets remembered as a buffoon, but a decent president. Only time will tell....
"...Bush has never been more unpopular than he is today. And yet the S&P 500 today pierced a level it hadn't seen since May 2001, while the Nasdaq sits at a five-year high."

Anyone know who Jane King is? How about the hemline theory?

"Guns, guns, guns...."

My father-in-law has been touting silver for two years now, and I think he's done better than average with it.

Can I get an "Oh, dude?" This guy's going to be paying this off for the near and distant future. Obviously a mistake (I think), but Yahaya is pumped and ready to do battle with the Evil Big Corporation.
"If the company wants to seek legal action as mentioned in the letter, I'm ready to face it," the paper quoted Yahaya as saying. "In fact, I can't wait to face it."

Ball Boy

Do you know this wease? I do. I was a teenager, shagging balls for C-level celebs at a charity tennis tournament in Calabasas, CA. Can't really recall, but it may have even been the Steve Garvey Classic, or something like that. Anyhow, cut to the evening, when all the tennis was done, and the participants had retreated under an enormous tent for dinner and whatever else they did where I was not allowed to see. Liquid and I decided it would be cool to steal a banner, one of those big, plastic corporate sponsor messaging devices, and take it to someone's private court and put it up on their fence.

So here we're taking it down under the cover of night when we hear "Hey, what are you kids doing?" And I look over to see this bulging figure emerging from the shadows, and coming at us quickly and with purpose. Yep, it was Garvey. As a Dodger fan, he'd been a childhood hero of mine, and now he was approaching me to find out why we were trying to steal a banner from his Tennis Tournament. Probably not going to get an autograph now, but somehow we escaped, explaining that we were just trying to help take down the banners. He let us go, but later we overheard a voice on a walkie-talkie sending out an all points bulletin, to be on the lookout for two kids trying to steal banners. Garvey! Fucker.

So today there's a story in the LA Times about him, and you can read it here.

Tuesday's gone

Now the wife is sick, so it was back to the TV, plus we're still trying to work our way through 4 rentals.

1. Wayne's World - you don't have to think it's funny, but it can't be denied. [this was not a rental by the way]
   
2. Broken Flowers - i'm a huge fan of Bill Murray, but he was a little pale in this one. the max i can handle for a subtle, quiet character was his role in Rushmore.
3. Elizabeth - not to be confused with Elizabethtown. i really liked this dramatic portrayal of the rise to power of a young girl amidst the lunancy that was, and still is (or can be) religion. [not a rental either, it was on IFC]
   

Reading this book called Blink right now. Not really sure what I think of it. I'm 1/3 through and I feel like asking if we're past the opening remarks. It is fascinating to read about all these psychologists, running around thinking up and performing all these wacky psychological tests and whatnot. Try this one if you're bored.

Luckily this doesn't happen often

I felt okay this morning when I awoke, but just 'okay' meaning I couldn't tell. After drinking 4 cups of my Fry's Electronics coffee, brewed 'extra strength' this morning, I thought I was feeling fine. I read what I considered interesting out of the LA Times (this morning that took about 25 minutes), had some re-heated oatmeal pancakes, and then headed out to run some errands. And then the caffeine started to wear off.....

First stop: Big 5 Sporting Goods, for yet another sunglass purchase. What is it with me and sunglasses? Then it was over to Samy's Camera for some photo paper, Office Depot for some copy paper, and hopefully to Kmart for some boxers and work socks. All the makings for a kick-ass Sunday. Seriously, almost sounds like a really cool indie film, eh? But, during my first errand, I started to not feel so good. So I hustled through it all, cancelled Kmart, and came back home to hit the couch, watch a little (note: little) TV, and most likely catch a nap.

So I started with an LPGA Tourney on CBS and the men's BellSouth Classic on NBC. The LPGA event featured Michelle Wie, Natalie Gulbis, and Lorena Ochoa fighting for the win going down the stretch, so all the coverage was on these three, and so, it was actually watchable. Somewhere in there I snook (sp?) in a nice, long nap. Even still, upon waking I just didn't feel right. So I threw in a movie, popped down an industrial non-OTC ibuprofen, and at the request of my wife, split a bottle of Bonny Doon's 'Big House Red.'

We watched "Two For The Money," "The Constant Gardener," and now it's time to watch the Sopranos. What a day.....and by the way, I'm magically feeling back to normal. All thanks to our good friends in Big Pharma and the beautiful vineyards of Northern California.

Daylight Saving

I just looked at the clock on my computer, and it read 10:11 AM!! Can I be any more out of touch? I didn't even realize today was daylight saving's. Well, okay, it's here. I read a little about it this morning while trying to figure out what was happening to me.

Personally, I like it when more of the day is filled with light. I wake up based on the appearance of light, and not so much on what time it is. So I like it when it gets light early. On the other end of the day, I tend to find myself going to bed based on a certain period of darkness following sunset. I haven't really scoped this theory out, but it seems that 4 hours of darkness signals my bed time. So if it gets dark at 5 pm., then around 9 I'll be trying to sneak into my sleeping chamber. But when it starts to get darker, later, well then, now I'm staying up past 11 pm...sometimes.

Bonus question: Why is my version of Photoshop registerd to Nat Kyborcas?

I can't hang

It's Saturday night and my wife is out with some friends seeing a band play, and I'm sitting at home because I'm too tired. Whatever.


"It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature."

--Steven Wright