Padre Fever......catch it?

The NL West used to be a joke, and maybe it still is. But in terms of being an internally-competitive league, it's the one to watch.

CS prediction: Pads in 5 (World Series, 2007)

Newton's 4th Law of Thermodynamics

"Whoever smelt it, dealt it."

El Tigre

Recently heard....

In 2005, Tiger Woods had 485 putts under 5" in length on the PGA Tour. He missed....0.

And this next number doesn't even matter if it's close or not b/c his earnings can always be statistically valid at +/- tens of millions of dollars, but I think I read that he was the highest paid athlete in 2005. Total earning: $85 million. Not a bad year.

Same Bat Channel, Same Bat Time

Lately the U.S. stock market has been......well, up and down. Or maybe we'll call it emotional. I see the headlines everyday, and they're really starting to lean towards a sentiment that is not new. They say things like:

• The Housing market has not hit bottom.
• Corporate earnings will most likely decline.
• Clipstone Street is way ahead of the curve.
• Consumer spending is important to the health of the US economy.
• The US spends too much, both on a national and a personal level.

But people have been saying this for a while now. And I'm not referring to the usual Bear suspects. This is just common sense, no?

Yo Quiero Taco Bell

My local Taco Bell always has a resident pan-handler. More consistent than the Rex-All security guard, and more often than not sitting on the curb by the front door with a good buddy, the local TB PH'ers always seem to be somewhere between the opening kick-off and the two minute warning of their buzz: ridin' high and lovin' life. Oh, and always a freshly lit cigarette in hand.

PH'er: spare some change?
Me: for what?
PH'er: {usually confused by my question} I need some change?

Then depending on the vibe I get from the PH'er, I drop one of two lines:

a.) No thanks, I'm good.
b.) Now what in the world do you need money for?

Either response seems to throw them all off. Mind you, I'm not kidding around as much as it may seem with these answers.

a.) means that I've decided they don't actually need the money, so, "no, my conscience can handle not giving you any money."
b.) is just straight up obvious, but they're playing the odds, so honesty doesn't really pay in that game.

Today though, the curb was occupied by a just past slightly dirty looking woman in her early 40's. And she didn't look like she was in any of the fun cars on the party train. On the other hand, she didn't look like she was doing too bad (v. skid row, where actually no one really seems to realize how bad they're doing), probably just strung out and in need of some good care, but she didn't have a buddy, or any cigarettes, or any hint of smile on her face.

Her: Got any change?
Me: Sorry, I don't have any change.
Her: {without even missing a beat} Buy me something?

As she said this I was sticking my hands into my pockets and realized I had two quarters in there. So now I'm a liar. Real cool.

So I turned back and said: "What do you want?"
To which she replied even faster than last time, "Steak burrito. No sour cream."

Next I'm in line thinking, "Steak burrito??" I'm not even eating steak! But I got it for her anyway, and like I do regardless of gender, social status, race, creed, and all that other crap I forgot to order it without sour cream. And in this small miscalculation I found some demented form of relief.........you'll get your Steak burrito, but you're gonna get it with sour cream, lady.

Of course I drove off feeling like a real a'hole, thinking that maybe she was lactose intolerant or something, that it wasn't just merely her preference.

Seriously?

This is the urinal at Taco Hut (combo Taco Bell/Pizza Hut) in Kettleman City. Is it a mistake or do shorter folks rule the roost?

Is the bar too high?

I love the marketing, and the push to try new things, and do things better, but does this sort of idea create in our minds an ideal that leads to trouble?

Not For Profit

My Alma Mater called me tonight. Just checking in to see how I'm doing, what I've been up to, and to see if I might want to donate to their fund. The psychological methodology of the call was very interesting. Young, chatty girl talks it up with me about my experiences in school and what she's doing for a good 10 minutes before moving on to the meat of the conversation.

I think her first offer was looking for a minimum donation of $350. Apparently her foundation had mistaken me for one of their many A-list graduates. I politely declined.

Interestingly enough, she now was able to come below the previous minimum. "Would you be able to do at least $250," she innocently queried?

"Nope."

Somehow we got to $50. Lucky for me I had the same answer.

"Sorry."

When she asked about $25 I felt low and inhumane. How could I not possibly afford $25? Outrageous, preposterous even. I've either got to be lying, or worse, just a total complete loser. I graduated from their prestigious University with 2 bachelor degrees 14 years ago and still can't even cough up the equivalent of a bottle of Gin. Way to shoot for the stars, boyeee!!

So I did what any man would do, I caved. And the beauty of it all? She told me they were a non-profit. But my question is this:

Who is the bigger non-profit: The University of California or me?

Chavez at the Helm

Per the Sunday edition of the Los Angeles Times, Venezuela's yearly inflation rate is 25%, and that figure is twice that government's goal. Copernicus I am not, but that seems to indicate a target rate of inflation of 12.5%. (Of course, Zimbabwe's has passed the 1000% mark and it's looking completely uncontrollable.)

And so Chavez has instituted price controls. This is not going to go well for Venezuela.

God Help Us...please

I was never a fan of going into Iraq. But I also just couldn't figure out Saddam's fearless defiance....they strung him up, right? Why'd he have to pull a 'Thelma and Louise' on his country?

And, why can't humans just get along. Is it really that hard? It doesn't need to be nice and rosy, but what's with all the 'I'll bet my life on it' playground showmanship?

Iran has got to be kidding me.

Better?

I found this while perusing The Big Picture today. Verdict: wow, awesome! I suggest downloading this free app and checking it out soon....

Computer Wars

So I've been looking at Macs lately, and I must say, I'm tempted. The 20" iMac looks really, really cool. Of course the MacBook Pros look just as good, but damn! they're expensive.

And so here's the thing that I know is happening: it's glistens so I want it. Do I need it? No. Would it make anything I want to do easier? Maybe, but this maybe is a very complimentary maybe, and I think it's actually negligible.

My PC doesn't really give me any problems. And I've got 2.5 megs of ram, so it runs pretty quick. But I will say that it does have it quirks, like the CD burner that is never recognized by the machine anytime I need to burn something. And I was watching an episode of The Office, downloaded from iTunes, that would freeze anytime I adjusted the volume. Weird, huh?

Anyone actually ever read this blog? Any thoughts?

I will say it's pretty fun to go into an Apple store and have all these Apple freaks act like the difference is night and day. Like one is a cheese sandwich (American slices) on white bread with no condiments and the other is a plate of bluefin ahi seared to perfection with all the Tsingtao's you can drink.

The Bolts Are Still Going to the Bowl...

...just not this year. They certainly had their shot at winning this game. In fact, I think they had several. Dropped balls, fumbles, unnecessary penalties (not even during the play?), blah blah blah...see you next year, San Diego Superchargers.

Rocky II

Saw it last night. I liked it more than Rocky, but I think I still like Rocky III the best. But maybe that's just because of the nostalgia of RIII. I was a young man, just making my way in the world, the next featherweight perhaps? I must've weighed about 75 lbs., 2.7% body fat, a human wrecking ball I'm sure.

But seriously, who can deny the Hulk Hogan's part of this cinematic masterpiece? Thunderlips was what all little boys should aspire to become. Remember when Rock got pissed and picked up Thunderlips and tossed him out of the ring? That was rad.

I think if I actually watched Rocky III again I'd probably change my mind, so I'm just going to leave it alone - ignorance can be blissful. Rocky II on the other hand was a pretty good movie, despite the toned down Paulie. I love hating Paulie and his role in RII was almost non-existent if you omit the part where he offers to knock her teeth out for The Italian Stallion. I need to have more Paulie; I need more self-destructive, alcoholic idiot. When he's at his best, and you're really hating him even though you're just watching a movie, you're suddenly struck with the reality that he's a friggin' moron. It's not done out of malice, it's just Paulie.

Slacker

Yes, it's true. I've been slacking off again. And I've never felt better. Not really sure how to get back into the groove here, so I'm just going to be reckless.

• $400 Billion so far for the war in Iraq. Wow, that's a lot of gin and tonics.
• Can't seem to quite (but will) finish off "Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them." I like Franken, he makes me laugh, I think he's smart. But the book seems to be 80% partisan complaint that the Republicans are too partisan. Any way you slice it, the read makes me chuckle from time to time, and if I'm having a party and can invite anyone I want, Al is on the list....right behind that other lopsided liberal non-Gore Al.
• Watched "Rocky" for the first time last night. Still think Rocky III was better. Those scenes with 'T' in the ring, still the contender, pushing the sluggish champ around, taunting him, chiding him with "you ain't so bad." Now that was a good f'in moooovie.
• Finished "Dry," by Augusten Burroughs. A-
• Couldn't escape the Deathstarish tractor beam stare of this local Greenpeace worker outside REI, donated $10/month.
• The tooth that I had capped for who-knows-how-much-was-billed-to-insurance-but-I-paid $600 is now more sensitive to heat, cold, and any kind of pressure. And only because I swore I would blog about it, and then didn't, I'll let you know that I've had lots of dental experiences, and the 3 trips necessary to stick a piece of industrial plastic on my cracked tooth were the worst 3 I can recollect. Getting my root canal felt more pleasant and relaxing. Anyhow, lucky for my dentist she's this hot, Asian mother of 3, so you see why I have to keep going back? You do, right?
• Belated b-day blast to JV......nice shot, JV!!
• Currently reading "Magical Thinking," by Augusten Burroughs and will be watching "Rocky II" tomorrow night.
  

What's on your agenda?

The Joys of Irresponsible Youth

I had a credit card all through college and didn't pay a penny in finance charges. If I bought something, I paid the balance in full before the interest hit. I was good at being good; I was establishing credit history without falling for 'the trap.'

This was back in the late 80's, early 90's. Then, as now but it seemed more normal, I had no money. I didn't eat out unless it was a taco shop, and my entertainment budget was limited to Mickey's forty's and games of pool in the living room. And I remember pretty clearly the day before we were to move out of our house in Del Mar for the summer. Quick back story, we lived in wood shack directly on the sand between 18th and 19th in Del Mar, CA. The owners rented out their ramshackle 5 bedroom, 1 garage with 3 people in it, to us college students during the school year for something like $2,000 per month, and we packed at least 9 people in there. In the summer they kicked us out so they could collect that amount every week. It wasn't a bad deal or anything, we knew it was coming before we even moved in every September.

So this last year we haven't really lined up any place to move to, we're all trying to pretend we're ready for finals, and the move-out date is speeding toward us faster than we care to realize. In the eleventh hour we just decide we'll pack the 40" truck and figure it all out later. Curt and I drive to Alberto's at midnight for several orders of "Chips con Todo" and 2 cases of Budweiser. At a tick before the final buzzer we find a great place across the street from the cliffs of Downtown La Jolla. Now we just need $3,000. Did I mention that we were college students?

So I cash advance the 3 grand on my pristine credit card and after we've moved in everyone pays me back in cash their portion. At this time I don't have a job for the summer, I've just graduated from college, and now I'm living walking distance from one of the most beautiful beaches on Earth.

Well...I didn't work all summer, just lived off the $3,000 in cash, read The Brothers Karamazov, hung out in coffee houses, surfed any time there was a hint of a swell, snorkeled and swam in the ocean constantly, and somehow never missed a party. And If I could do it all over? I'd pay twice that for half as much.

Who Wants Some?

One of the more interesting, unique, loving, bewildering banshees I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and sharing a living room with for 9 months.

SP - you're one of the best.

Iran

Ahmandinejad, kind of a buzz kill, don't you think? The guy has to be smart, right? He's the leader of an entire nation. I'm not claiming he'll do well in Trivial Pursuit or can survive in the wilderness without provisions, but he just has to be at the very least a "B" student. Can we agree on this? Even if we can't, just for argument sake, can you give me this one?

And then we get this: Ahmadinejad announced the conference would set up a "fact-finding commission" to determine whether the Holocaust happened or not. The commission will "help end a 60-year-old dispute," he said.

So, given this type of statement, we don't have too many options.

a.) He believes this to be true.
b.) He does not believe this to be true, but is using this to further his international/political drama.

Can there be other options? If so, please comment

Until then:

If a.) Wow. I'm stunned that you're this dumb;
If b.) Then, well, Fuck you.

Additionally, how do you solve this mystery? How would one, or say everyone go about uncovering the chilling truth to this 60+ year old caper? Now I'm starting to get excited. It's like when I used to watch an hour long episode of 'The A Team' only to be broadsided in my deepest moment of curiosity and pure enjoyment with "To Be Continued."

"To Be Continued!!!!!!!!!?" What the!!! mother f'n, sonofa, shiiiiiiiiiiiitttt!!!!," my eight year old throat would bellow. You can't just suck me in like this and then expect me to wait a whole week to finally be soothed back into normalcy with what portends to be yet another deliciously clever ending. I want gratification NOW!

Anyhow, deep breathes, breathe in, breathe out. I'm okay. But what is Iran really about? Why is this Israel/Palestine issue so important? Discover all you want, maybe only 1 Jew died from a staph infection and everybody conspired to brew this into the "Holocaust." Okay, what now?

Dear Israel,

We found out the truth. Please move.

Thank you,

Iran

How about this. Let's have some fun and assume the completely farcical, and totally impossible: the Israelis leave Israel. Huh? Pretty nice, eh Iran? So, for the second time in one post - what now? The Palestinians still can't feed themselves. And for that matter, get the world off their addiction to oil, and neither can you.

Tree Decorating

As generous as it may seem, lending a helping hand when needed is just my simple philosophy for L-I-V-I-N.